You've Been Lonely Too Long
by Lady Callista
Summary: When a smirking Emma says she owes him 10 hours for locking him up on the beanstalk, Killian's mind immediately goes in a certain direction. What she was actually thinking of turns out to be even more special. Walls are lowered and painful secrets shared as two lonely hearts continue to heal each other, and two lonely souls slowly find their happiness. (post 4.11)
1. 1

Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Once Upon A Time. ABC, Disney,A&amp;E, and whoever else have that distinction. No profit is being made, and no copywrite infringement in intended. "Dust to Dust," where the title and several chapter quotes come from, belongs to the Civil Wars, and is just a perfectly amazing CS song.

AN: So this isn't either of the planned sequels to "Picking Up the Pieces," sorry. But my muse refused to let go of a few ideas, and once I figured out how to weave them together I just couldn't not do this. Also, I'll be able to weave this into the new episodes as well as flashback to older scenes I've always wanted to write about. So really, each of these chapters will be unrelated to each other, but will all follow the theme of CS getting closer, letting down their walls, and getting to know each other completely. Reviews are very welcome as always, and I would love suggestions on other scenes to do!

This starts after the end of the Winter Finale, and the first few chapters will be set during the six weeks.

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You've Been Lonely Too Long

by Lady Callista

_OoOoOoO_

_"It's not your eyes, It's not what you say, It's not your laughter, That gives you away_

_You're just lonely, You've been lonely, too long." -from Dust to Dust, by the Civil Wars_

_OoOoOoO_

Chapter 1:

Killian woke with a start, dreams of watching Liam die in his arms still chasing through his sluggish mind.

It took him a moment to realize that he wasn't on the Jolly Roger, but in his bed at Granny's.

And it took another moment for him to wonder if he was still dreaming. Because although they were both fully clothed, Emma was curled up against his chest, her hand on his shoulder and her head over his heart.

The last thing he remembered was her leaving him at his door after giving him both his heart and a soul-shattering kiss. She had commented on how tired he looked, and he'd agreed to lie down for a few hours to appease her. He'd also sensed she needed the distance before the talk that they both knew had to come.

Killian remembered planning to think about everything he needed to confess to her, and that he had removed his hook, coat, and boots before stretching out on the bed. He must have been more exhausted than he realized, because he hadn't had a single thought after that.

His left arm was already wrapped around her, and Killian's eyes tightened briefly at the brace that still covered his maimed wrist before he took a deep breath, whispering her name as his fingers came up to swipe a wayward chunk of hair off of her cheek and tuck it behind her ear. "Emma." He repeated softly, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. He really hoped he wasn't dreaming.

"Hmmm." Emma mumbled, cuddling closer into him, her hand sliding up to curve around the side of his neck.

Killian gave up caressing her cheek in favor of running his hand lightly up and down her side. "I don't remember how you got into my room, love, let alone my bed." He kept his voice low yet teasing, wanting to hold on to the preciousness of this moment for as long as he could. He heard the vulnerability in his own voice even as he tried to keep it light as he added, "I'd really love you to convince me I'm not dreaming."

"I picked the lock." Emma mumbled into his chest, still not moving. "And if you were dreaming I doubt we'd still have our clothes on."

Killian chuckled as her words echoed his first thoughts upon waking, which both did and didn't help him decide whether or not he was dreaming. "You could have knocked."

"I did." Emma said softly, pulling back finally, staying in the curve of his arm but propping herself up on her elbow to face him. "I figured if you were tired enough to sleep through a knock, I should let you sleep. But I wanted..." Emma took a deep breath, "I needed to be here with you."

Killian's eyes widened at the vulnerable whisper, and he leaned up to kiss her softly. "I certainly don't object, love. I wanted... I want you to stay as well. But it seemed you wanted some time to yourself."

"I thought I did, and I wanted to give you some as well, but... but Killian I need to hear it. I need to hear everything."

Killian took a deep breath, eyes closing for a second, his hand sliding back up to her cheek, hesitantly shifting up to kiss her again, sighing in relief when she returned the chaste touch. "Do you have questions you'd like me to answer? Or shall I just tell the pathetic tale?"

"When did he take your heart?" Emma asked the question that had been burning in her mind, feeling her cheeks heat as she thought of all the instances where he seemed slightly... off, and she had just let it go.

"The same night he promised to help rid you of your magic." Killian answered at once, having determined the moment the crocodile told him he had destroyed the message Killian had tried to leave her that if he was given a second chance to confess, he would do so with complete honesty and no exclusions. "It's why I kissed you as I did, because without my heart it just didn't feel right and I needed... I was so relieved you were alright, for he was actually trying to destroy you that night, but it didn't feel right, and I just needed to hold you because I had no idea what he planned to do, or what he would force me to..."

Killian broke off in shock as Emma leaned up to kiss him softly, raising her hand to cup his cheek. "He's gone. Belle made him cross the town line. He can't do anything to any of us anymore."

Killian's eyes widened in shock, and he couldn't help the burst of elation that ran through him. He had meant it when he said he was giving up on his revenge on the crocodile, for the most part anyway, but in the same way he hadn't been able to resist blackmailing him about the dagger, he couldn't help but rejoice that the bastard had finally gotten what was coming to him. In the same way that he had once decided to target Belle, as she was Rumple's heart and a method to his revenge that he could actually succeed at, Killian recognized that banishing him from Storybrooke, which meant taking away all of his power and magic, his true love, was actually a fate more painful than death. "I wouldn't have thought the lass had it in her."

Emma smiled softly at his neutral statement, the room was still bright enough for her to have seen the satisfaction cross his face. "It's okay to be happy about it. I'm not sure it was the best decision, I'd rather have someone like Gold where I can see him, but it's over and we can't change it. I would love to know what he was up to, but I really can't be sad he's gone."

"Nor can I, love." Killian allowed himself to smile briefly before steeling himself to say, "And I can tell you what he was up to. At least as far as the whole plan that needed my heart for was about. Along with the box."

"So tell me." Emma said softly, leaning down to kiss his cheek softly before cuddling back into his chest, her ear once again resting on the comforting thump-thump of his heart. "Tell me a story, pirate. And trust me to understand."

Killian tightened his arms around her, dropping a kiss on her forehead before beginning to speak.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

_He was running to her the instant the ropes dropped him from the mast, but he knew in his heart that it was too late. No one could live without their heart._

_Killian gathered the love of his life into his arms, feeling the tears burn behind his eyes as she whispered, "I love you." _

_He felt the touch of her fingers over his cheek, and then inexplicably he felt his own fingers brushing over a soft cheek, and rather than looking down at Milah he was looking up at Emma._

_He saw everything in her eyes that he knew must have once shone in his own; the disbelief at what you've just seen, and the pain of realizing the death of someone you love is seconds away and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it. She was as lonely and broken as he was, and he remembered once commenting to her on the look in her eyes, the one that said she was an orphan. That she was too lonely. That she was always alone. He saw the fear and the pain and the beginnings of devastation as she realized she would be left that way once again. As her fear of losing another person was realized before her eyes._

_His last thought is that he can't stand the fact that, yet again, his love has been used to hurt her._

"Killian!"

Killian jolted awake, his arms tightening instinctively around Emma as he tried to calm his rapid breathing. It had been a dream, only a dream, and he focused on the frantic pounding of his heart in his chest to remind him of that as he buried his nose in Emma's hair and inhaled the soothing scent that was vanilla and cinnamon and something else that was just her.

He was just starting to calm down, concentrating on the soothing murmur of her words even though he didn't really register what she was saying, when he felt cracks of pain shoot up his arm from his missing hand.

He gritted his teeth at once, his hand leaving Emma's back and clasping his wrist at once, fingers tightening on the brace as his eyes slid shut.

Emma tensed at once. "Killian, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing, love." Killian hissed out as the pain became centered in his hand, registering as pins and needles in an appendage he'd been without so much longer than he'd been with. But she was sitting up now, ducking out of his embrace, and looking at him with such concern that he knew she needed more. "The hand may not be there, but it pains me sometimes. Another pirate I knew with a missing leg said the same thing happened to her at times."

"Phantom limb pain." Emma realized, going on at his quizzical look, "That's just the term for it in this world, but yeah, it happens."

"It's been years." Killian said softly.

"Were you dreaming about it?" Emma questioned hesitantly, not wanting to push him but feeling an unbearable urge to comfort him, to erase the mounds of pain she could see in his eyes. It wasn't all from his hand.

"In a fashion." His eyes closed, hiding from her, jaw flexing as she saw his fingers tighten over his braced wrist, grip so tight his fingers were turning white.

"Tell me about it?" Her voice was still tentative, but she reached out to card her fingers lightly through his hair, trying to sooth them both.

His eyes opened again, and even through the pain she could see the shadows haunting them. "I don't know if I..."

"Then let me help another way." She didn't hesitate to cut him off when she realized what he was saying, how vulnerable he was letting himself be to her. She doubted he normally slept with the leather brace on his arm, and some of his discomfort could be purely physical. She sat up and pulled at his shoulders gently until he was sitting beside her.

She knew the sleeves of his shirt had to be tailored to fit over the brace, so she held eye contact, offering him a tentative smile as her fingers went to the lower buttons of his shirt and began to undo them. The upper ones were, as always, already open.

Emma felt a tremor go through him as her cool fingers brushed across his abs, and he tensed when she finished the last button and slid her hands over the bare skin of his waist.

"Planning to ravish me, love?" A hint of the normal spark tried valiantly to manifest in his eyes, but even to himself his voice sounded hollow.

Emma kept her eyes locked on his as she undid the buttons on his right wrist, then slid her arms up to push the shirt from his shoulders. He allowed her to shift them until his arms slid behind his back, and although his jaw clenched and his eyes closed he didn't protest when her gentle fingers tugged the other cuff over his brace and removed the shirt completely. She set it on the floor before gently tugging on the brace itself, urging him to move it closer to her yet releasing her fingers at once as he twisted away from her, angling the arm behind his back.

Emma didn't protest, this was just another type of wall after all and he had been so incredibly patient about her own. Instead she gripped his hand, lacing their fingers together even as her other hand reached up to skim over his cheek. She shifted on the bed, sliding closer as she leaned in to kiss him deeply, thoroughly, keeping their bodies apart so that she could focus on nothing but the heat of their mouths. They were both breathless when she finally pulled away, squeezing his hand even as she rested their foreheads together, not yet willing to pull any further away. "Killian, it doesn't matter to me."

She was still looking into his eyes as she trailed her fingers from his cheek down his bare arm, and although she saw the twinges of lust and wonder the shame was more pronounced. She pulled back then, just far enough to look at him clearly, her fingers stopping just above his elbow, tracing her fingers over the sensitive crook and watching him shiver slightly.

"It's not only that - but it was wanting my hand back that started all this." His eyes fell to the tattoo on his right forearm, the heart with his first love's name in it. Pierced by a dagger. "If I'd only told you Belle didn't hold the true dagger from the start, or even told you of his plans once he made me deal to remove the blasted thing again..." He gently pulled his hand out of hers, bringing his arm closer to inspect the tattoo, and the magic ink which had held up to hundreds of years without fading. "He crushed her heart right in front of me. He taunted us, and he laughed, as he crushed her heart, and mine, and I... I know exactly what it feels like to lose someone that you... well... the thought of you going through that, all because I'd been a bloody fool... I promised that you didn't have to worry about me, and you already know the pain of loss that way and to think..."

"Shhhh." Emma cut him off gently, resting her fingers on his lips. Her heart lurched slightly as he avoiding saying the word love, and under any other circumstances she might have bristled at the assumption, however aborted, that she loved him. But while she wasn't ready to say or hear the words, she could admit the truth of them deep down, and she wasn't willing to break the fragile exchange between them. "I already told you, I forgive you. You told me everything, and while I can't say there's not still a little bit of mad there, I forgive you. It's okay, Killian. You've been alone a lot longer than I have, it'll take time for us to get used to counting on each other."

"It wasn't that I didn't trust you, and I certainly know you're up to any task. I just didn't want to be a burden. You've enough on your plate as it is love, I wanted to help, not be something else you had to worry about." The sincerity was clear in his eyes.

"You already said that, and I do understand, Killian." Emma soothed. "But it's not a one-way street. You've always been there for me, and I owe you so much, and..."

"You don't." His gaze sharpened, and his hand rose to tighten on her shoulder. "You owe me nothing, Swan."

Understanding the flash of anger, Emma struggled to explain, "No, that's not what I meant, I only... you would count that a trick, trying to guilt me into being with you. And I believed you when you said you wouldn't use any tricks to win me. Plus it would just be bad form." She gave him a tentative smile, relaxing slightly when he gave her a slight nod of agreement. "I only meant that you've always been patient with me, and you really want me to be happy. And I am happy, with my family, and with you. Can't I want you to be happy too? Can't I be patient and forgiving with you the same way you've always been with me? You're the reason I have the life I do, Killian, and you're part of it. And for the first time in my adult life I want that. I want _you_."

Killian's eyes widened as he realized the conversation she was referencing, and he felt his breath hitch as she whispered the final three words. "Emma..."

"I want you." She repeated, voice slightly stronger. "But I'm terrified. The things you make me feel, the way it felt when I thought that I had lost..."

"I'm scared too love, if that helps." He cut her off gently, the confession coming without a hint of shame. He'd completely given up his pride where she was concerned. "I had a year to experience just how empty my life was without you. I'd rather not repeat it."

Emma froze - other than the first night in New York, and the night he'd confessed to trading his ship to get to her, they had never talked about the missing year. Jokes about marrying a monkey notwithstanding. She tried to keep her voice light, but knew the pain of that lost year tinged her voice nevertheless. "And did you think of me every day?"

That pain reflected in his eyes even as he offered her a small, almost real smile. "What do you think, love?" Killian shifted on the bed, bringing his left arm into her line of sight and showing it wasn't just the brace he had been hiding.

"Killian..." Emma whispered as her fingers closed over the brace reflexively, seeking to draw his arm closer, and although he flinched slightly at the touch this time he didn't draw away. She held the brace as she would a hand even as her other hand rose to his bicep, fingers skimming over the brightly colored lines in his skin. A red heart dominated the picture, her name an elaborate swirl on the ribbon wrapped around it. A swan sat on one side of the heart, and on the other a five pointed star, each point counter-colored with black and white. The swan was obvious, but Emma's fingers skimmed back and forth over the star, her eyes flicking to him in question before she started tracing over her own name. The devotion behind the sentiment calmed her rather than scaring her further. It wasn't like he had ever thought she would see it.

"It's a nautical star, love, a navy man's symbol. Because you reminded me of the man I used to be. And because it represents the way home."

"It's beautiful." Emma whispered, her fingers tracing over the bright lines for a moment longer before moving the the top buckle of the brace. He didn't jerk away, but she saw the fear in his eyes. "Do you remember when you picked me up for our first date?" She asked softly as she undid the first buckle.

A real smile flashed this time, as without the burden of all he had been hiding from her he could truly look back on the night and remember all the best parts of it. "You looked stunning."

She smiled softly, blushing, as she moved to the second buckle and began to work on it gently. "Who first noticed your hand?"

"Your mother." Killian replied at once. He'd actually felt a brief flicker of annoyance at the time that Emma herself hadn't noticed.

"That's because most of the time I don't notice." Emma undid the third and final buckle. "I don't care. I don't care if you have a hook, or a fake hand."

Killian got lost in her eyes, jolting when he realized she was sliding the brace down his arm. Both it and his non-existing hand still hurt, but for some reason the pain had been lessening as she touched him gently. He took a deep breath, concentrating on the tenderness in her eyes to help him remain motionless.

"I don't care if you have a real hand, or a wrist." Emma finished on a whisper, her fingers tracing over the stump gently. "I'm a fan of every part of you."

He trembled, swearing he could literally feel heat radiating from her fingers, and the pain all but melted away. He saw nothing but truth and acceptance and understanding on her face, and wondered if this was how he had looked when he gave the same words to her. "Emma..." His voice shook, hand reaching out unconsciously to cup her cheek.

Emma saw the awe mixed with desire in his eyes, and the tinges of disbelief she knew could be healed with nothing but time. He leaned in and she moved with him, expecting another passionate embrace and instead melting into him when he kept his kiss achingly sweet. His hand drifted into her hair, stroking down her back. He shifted his wrist out of her careful grasp, resting it tentatively on her waist, sliding it to her back and pulled her closer when she didn't flinch away from him.

Killian broke the kiss with a gasp when her hands slid to his shoulders and slowly pushed him back to lay on the bed. "Emma..." He knew the timing was all wrong but he couldn't stop himself from kissing her again as she lay half on top of him, her hair falling in a shimmering curtain around their heads. His hand slid down to her ass, pulling her hard against his thigh, swallowing her gasp by deepening the kiss, finally allowing it to turn more passionate.

He didn't know or care if it was minutes or hours later when they finally broke apart to breath. Emma was completely on top of him at this point, their bodies tangled together, hands still skimming lightly over sides and backs and whatever they could reach.

Killian wanted nothing more than to lose himself in her but he knew that the timing wasn't right. Summoning the patience and control that had helped him survive for 300 years against people that even at his worst he had thought were monsters, he tightened his arms around her, shifting them until she once again lay on her side on the bed, curled against his chest. He kissed her forehead lightly as he laced his fingers in the hair at the back of her head, gently urging her head back until her ear rested over his heart once again.

His body was on fire for her, and he had to swallow harshly twice before he could manage to rasp, "As much as it pains me to say love, we shouldn't do this tonight."

"I know." Emma sighed, turning her head to drop a kiss on his chest and sighing again when he trembled. She was still mad at him, just because she'd forgiven didn't mean she was over it. They also probably just needed to talk more, not only about the past few weeks but about other things in their pasts. But it was so hard to carve out time when they were always moving from one disaster to another, and when they did have time together it was so hard to discuss the hard things, to let her walls that much further down.

They were down right now, all the way down as she still worried about losing him, but as much as it pained her, and as much as she knew the theory of sex reaffirming life and all that, she knew that he was right. This wasn't right for their first time.

They were both silent for several long minutes as they calmed down, each making small adjustments as they cuddled as closely as they could get. The silence was comfortable, intimate in a way that would have once sent Emma running and now only made her want to cuddle closer. "You know how you said I don't owe you anything... I do." She felt him tense, and before he could get upset again she hurried on, "Not for... not for what you've done for me, but... But I owe you ten hours." Emma raised her head from her chest to smirk at him, memories of fighting a giant with him swirling through her mind.

Killian grinned back at her, understanding at once what she was referring to and willing to allow her to lighten the mood. "We already spend much of our time together, how do you propose to make these ten hours special?"

Emma chuckled at the twinkle in his eyes, blushing at what she knew he was thinking of before summoning her courage and whispering, "Ten one-hour conversations, where you can ask me anything that you want. I can't promise to tell you everything, I think I still need time for some of it, but... but you can ask, and I'll tell you what I can."

His eyes widened, and she saw that he understood how important this was for her, how huge a step she was taking. Killian smiled softly at her, "That would indeed be special, love. But I propose we can ask each other anything, with the same proviso that complete answers are not required."

"But it's your time." Emma said softly. "Your gift."

"And I'll spend it how I wish. Well, maybe not exactly how I wish, but..." He grinned his most wicked smirk at her, complete with raised eyebrows, and she grinned back at him even as Killian brought his hand up to cup her cheek. "Does it surprise you that I would want to share myself with you? That I would want you to know me the same way you're allowing me to know you?"

Emma smiled gently, tilting her face into his warm palm. It really didn't surprise her, now that she thought about it, because she should have known he would see the nervousness in her offer and seek to balance the playing field. And she really did like the deal, not only would she not be the only one bearing her soul, she would also get to know more about him. About the contradictory, amazing, infuriating, caring, wonderful man that Killian Jones was underneath the persona of Captain Hook. She would get to find out how he had become the man he was. "Not really, I guess. You've always been the brave one when it comes to, well, _us_. Why is that?"

Killian turned pensive. "Because for a few hundred years, I lived for nothing but revenge. And then I thought I had gotten it, and I realized I had no idea what came next. It didn't bring her back, and after centuries of living for nothing but that revenge I didn't even know who I was anymore. I didn't much like who had I become, and I had no idea anymore what I wanted from life. Believing I had killed the crocodile should have made me happy, but in many ways I was just lost. Nothing made sense or mattered, except for you. Something about you was just worth the risk."

"Killian..." Emma tilted her face to kiss his palm. "You've been able to see through me since the day we met, and that scared me so much. You didn't even have to try, you just saw through the walls like they weren't even there. You challenged me, and when it mattered you dropped the teasing and supported me no matter the cost to yourself. It's my turn to do the same for you now. To be strong and brave enough to do that for you and with you."

"You're strong enough to do whatever you put your mind to, love." Killian smiled, running his fingers through her hair soothingly even as she laid back down against his chest.

"I'm stronger with you." Emma said softly, letting her fingers trace lightly over his abs.

"And I with you." He dropped yet another kiss onto her forehead. "Now, shall I use one of those hours, or do you need to be getting home?"

"I'm not sure I want to talk more right now, but I don't want to go either." Emma whispered into his chest.

"I didn't say you had to." Killian soothed, running the stump of his arm over her back reassuringly. "And we don't have to talk either. I'm not sure either of us will sleep again, but the hours before dawn are the loneliest in any world."

"Not tonight they're not." Emma wrapped her arms more firmly around him, dropping another kiss on his chest.

And for the longest time they did nothing but cuddle, just being together and listening to each other breath.

TBC...


	2. 2

Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Once Upon A Time. ABC, Disney,A&amp;E, and whoever else have that distinction. No profit is being made, and no copywrite infringement in intended. "Dust to Dust," where the title and several chapter quotes come from, belongs to the Civil Wars, and is just a perfectly amazing CS song.

AN: Thanks for all the comments on the first chapter, I'm very glad people are enjoying this! As it's hard to keep track of time in Neverland, I have no qualms about putting a night between the CS kiss and Pan telling Killian about Neal being alive. Because I wanted this scene, and that was necessary for it to work. (and I think it's clear from the latest episode that Emma knows the whole story, so something like this had to happen at some point) _Oh, and it should be obvious, but italics means it's a flashback/memory._

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You've Been Lonely Too Long

by Lady Callista

_OoOoOoO_

"_Too many times we stand aside and let the waters slip away, till what we put off till tomorrow has now become today. So don't you sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied. Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tide."_

_OoOoOoO_

Chapter 2:

"Now, will you finally stop teasing that I don't know how to plan a date." Emma grinned as she popped another grape into her mouth.

Killian chuckled, laying back on the blanket with his hand and hook crossed behind his head, sighing as he stretched out. "This was indeed a wonderful idea, love. And a creative way to ensure privacy."

They were about a mile or so out of town, having a picnic in the middle of a clearing. The fact that it wasn't the correct season for such a date had been solved with Emma's magic, which kept the air around them humming as if it were a warm summer day.

"Well, it's been a week and the peace is holding. I just know it can't last." Emma admitted with a wry chuckle, grinning as he opened his mouth in a beckoning manner and tossing a grape into it from nearly a foot away.

He smirked at her as he ate it, purposely drawing her eyes down to his mouth, before gentling the look into a soft smile and saying seriously, "We'll deal with whatever comes, as we always have. Let's just enjoy this time."

"Which is why we're here." Emma smiled just as softly as she stretched out beside him, their hands automatically linking. She gave a soft sigh as he twisted them just enough to play his thumb over her inner wrist.

"Did you mean what you said, love? About the ten hours?"

Killian's voice had been soft, hesitant, and Emma could tell he was expecting to be rejected. He didn't understand that she was done pushing him away. She angled her head to rest her temple against his shoulder. "Ask away."

Rather than asking a question immediately, Killian mused, "I've wanted to ask you something again since you refused to answer me in Neverland, but it's something I hesitate to bring up."

"Why?"

"Because I believe I know the answer, and I understand not wanting to speak of it." Killian admitted softly, tilting his head down to look at her.

"There's something I've always wanted to ask you too, about Neverland."

He smiled encouragingly. "You go first, then."

She started to demure, but quickly realized that it would get her nowhere. She began hesitantly, knowing that asking would bring up the memory for him as well, and hating that it would hurt him. "The night you told me about Milah, do you remember..."

"Aye, love." He swallowed harshly as the memory washed over both of them.

_"It's the Lost Ones crying for their families." His voice came softly from behind her._

_"I know, Pan told me." Emma answered just as softly, still looking out into the night. It was her turn to stand watch, yet she wasn't really surprised to find Hook awake. She had noticed that he didn't seem to sleep a great deal. "But when we fought them the other day they were so..."_

_"During the day you have distractions." Killian said as he stepped up beside her, his eyes also peering out into the jungle. His voice was as low as hers to keep from waking the others, but also giving the conversation an intimate feel. "There are other people to talk to, things to do, ways to keep your mind occupied. But in the dark you can't hide from your loneliness."_

_Emma felt her eyes widen at the openness and seriousness in his reflective voice, and she couldn't help but turn to face him. His voice matched his expression as he turned to face her as well, a pained look on his face and all traces of his normal bravado gone._

_She'd expected him to tease her mercilessly over the kiss, but he had said nothing of it at all. He'd still teased her over dinner, still flirted with her, but not in a different way than normal, and even now when they were finally alone he wasn't bringing it up._

_It was almost as if it had never happened, and Emma decided that for the moment that was as good a way as any to deal with all the conflicting emotions and desires that kiss had brought up. _

_"I keep listening harder, trying to see if I can pick out Henry's voice." Emma confessed almost before realizing what she was saying. "I don't want to hear it, but..."_

_"But at least you'd know he was alive." Killian finished gently when she trailed off._

_Emma's eyes widened further, and unable to bear the understanding and sympathy in his voice she turned once again to look out into the jungle._

_"He's alive, Swan." Killian said softly after a brief silence, checking his impulse to pull her into his arms, knowing she would misunderstand that he only meant to comfort. "Pan may be a bastard, but he's not a liar. We will find him, I swear it."_

_Emma's eyes flicked back over to him, surprised at the conviction in his voice and the kindness in his eyes. He seemed so different right now, and for the first time since he'd returned with the bean she allowed herself to ask the question she both wanted and was afraid to know the answer to. "Why are you helping us?"_

_"I told you." It was his turn now to break eye contact, looking back into the night as his face closed down again._

_"That I reminded you that you could be part of something, I know." She blushed, suddenly glad that he had looked away. "But it's more than that, I can tell."_

_Emma didn't voice what she was afraid of, that it had been for her, because she really hoped it wasn't. She didn't know what to do with that kind of pressure, nor with the tiny sliver of hope that it had been for her - that someone had finally cared enough to not leave her._

_"It's not the reason you fear, Swan. Well, not entirely at least."_

_Emma gaped at him. He had read the reason behind the fear in her eyes, and her amazement that he had done so yet again nearly outweighed the flash of panic. _

_"I told you the other day that I knew what it felt like to lose hope." His voice was barely a whisper. "I'm part of the reason Bae lost his, the least I can do is save his son."_

_Emma remembered the look in his eyes when she'd told him Neal was Henry's father, but even with what he had told her when he'd given her Neal's sword she still didn't understand why it was so important to him. "You've been around for a couple of hundred years, yet this one boy matters to you." She could hear the skepticism in her own voice._

_"You don't know the history between myself and the crocodile, do you?"_

_"You did something to him, he cut off your hand, you both swore eternal vengeance." _

_Killian scoffed harshly, pulling his flask from his pocket and taking a long drink before offering it to her, unsurprised when she shook her head. "It's a bit more complicated than that, love."_

_"And it has something to do with why you're here now?" Emma raised a disbelieving eyebrow._

_"I fished Baelfire out of the sea after the Shadow dropped him on the way to Neverland. He stayed on the Jolly for a time, and through the course of our conversations I learned he was the crocodile's son." _

_His voice was nearly emotionless, though Emma knew that was likely just a defense mechanism. On the rare occasions that she had told people of her past, she had told it much the same way. "So you were going to use him to get your vengeance."_

_Killian's jaw clenched, and he took several deep breaths. It was a logical assumption given how she saw him, and he tried to keep the hurt from his voice as he said softly, "I won't deny I thought of it, and did indeed ask the lad about any weaknesses the Dark One had, but you're missing a piece of important information here. You've no idea who his mother was, do you?"_

_"Neal's?" Emma questioned in confusion. _

_"She abandoned him before his father did, when she fell in love with a _dashing pirate captain _and they ran away together." It hurt, to sum up the best years of his life in such a simple sentence, but he sensed that if he put too much emotion into it, too much importance, Emma would put up her walls again and push him away. He was actually amazed that she hadn't already. He saw her eyes flick to his right forearm and the tattoo she knew was hidden beneath his coat, and knew she understood. "Years passed, and she spoke often of going back for her son, when he was old enough, and of us being a family. But before we could do that I ran into her husband, no longer a man but the Dark One. He wanted a magic bean we had... acquired, but he also wanted revenge."_

_"Because his wife left him?" Emma blurted out before blushing and lowering her voice. "That's what this whole thing is about? I mean it sucks, but..."_

_"I may have lied to him when we first ran off and claimed I abducted her." Killian admitted sheepishly. "She wanted it that way - she knew he was too much of a coward to stand up to me, and she didn't want to face him. If only she had held to that."_

_"Why are you telling me this?" Emma asked curiously when he fell silent for a long minute. She was trying to be sensitive to the pain in his voice, but she just didn't know how to handle this side of Hook. The flirting, innuendo-throwing, cocky pirate was so much easier to deal with than this quiet, introspective man that practically radiated pain and loss._

_"She intervened to keep him from killing me, offering to trade the bean for our lives. It seemed for a moment he would agree, then he started... questioning her. How could she leave Bae? How could... She told him she had never loved him, and..."_

_Emma heard his voice break a second before he stopped talking, and felt a bolt of shock go through her as she suddenly had a horrible revelation as to where this was going. She remembered the first time she'd seen the tattoo, at the top of the beanstalk, and although she had guessed then what had happened it was so different in the context of his story. Knowing that Milah had been Gold's wife made the thought she had had then, which he had confirmed in all but words, so much worse. She let the silence hold for nearly a minute before saying softly, "He killed her."_

_"Aye." His voice was barely a whisper, but steady once again. "His magic held me immobile as he ripped her heart from her chest, and he released me so that she could die in my arms as he crushed it. He took my hand because he thought it held the bean, and left me alive to suffer as he had."_

_"But the bean wasn't in your hand." Emma said softly, thinking of how he had tricked her in almost the exact same way._

_"Not the one he took." Killian replied, giving her a small smirk. "And so knowing the crocodile was immortal, I used to bean to come to Neverland in order to allow myself to live long enough to destroy him. I knew Pan was here, but had I known just how much of a demon he is even I might have had second thoughts."_

_Emma remembered him not being familiar with the Peter Pan story she had grown up with, and wondered, "How did you know him?" She had turned to face him once again, and saw another flash of devastation cross his face before it completely shut down, his walls going back up._

_"That's a tale for another time, love." Killian said softly, his voice back to an almost neutral tone. "But to bring this back about to where we started, let's just say that I've a vested interest in saving your boy. Because he's yours, yes, but not only for that. Because he is Neal's, and Milah's. Henry is the last thing left of her, and at the risk of you calling me sentimental again that means something to me."_

_"Hook..." Emma wasn't even sure what she was going to say to that, because he cut her off._

_"Best get some sleep, love. Dawn's only a few hours off, I'll stand the rest of the watch."_

_Emma thought of all the times she had shut him down, and figured it was only fair. She didn't know what to say anyway. But she did rest her hand on his upper arm, saying a quiet thank you before she turned back to the fire._

"I never asked, but you were the only other one who mentioned the crying." Emma said softly, shifting to kiss him softly before resting her head on his chest, drawing both of them back into the present. "It was like David and Mary Margaret couldn't hear it."

"They couldn't, nor could the Evil Queen." Killian said softly. "And I think you know why."

"Tell me." She thought she knew, but that meant that she was asking him something incredibly personal, and the fact that she wanted to ease into it surprised her, as she normally wasn't the kind to pussyfoot around.

"It's amusing actually, how alike we are." Killian said rather than answering her. "I was going to ask you what unlocked the map. What you had to admit about yourself."

His voice was even more gentle than it had been when he asked in Neverland, and this time she saw in his eyes that he knew the answer. Which shouldn't really have surprised her, as he'd tagged her not a day after they met, while climbing a beanstalk.

"I'm an orphan." Emma whispered into his chest, a smile ghosting her lips as his hand stroked comfortingly through her hair. "Only orphans can hear them."

Killian nodded, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "My mother died of sickness when I was barely four, and my father abandoned me a few years later. If not for Liam..."

"It's why you understood me so well, right from the start." Emma said after he had trailed off.

Killian nodded again, shifting to kiss her softly. "Our courtship has been a bit unconventional, love. I don't know your favorite color, or food, or book. There is so much about you I still get to discover." He ran his hand up her side, matching the teasing in his voice, stopping with his thumb just under her breast. "But I know the things that matter."

Emma grinned back at him, playing her fingers over his chest. Her grin only widened as she saw gooseflesh form behind her caressing touches. "Red, it changes based on my mood, and I don't have one."

His grin widened, remembering a ballgown. "You do look spectacular in red."

As did hers, remembering a vest. "So do you, pirate."

"And what are you in the mood for now?" His eyes cut between her lips and the picnic basket.

She grinned, flailing out with her free hand and popping a grape into his mouth. "So what's _your_ favorite color? Or should I just guess black?"

Killian chuckled, hesitating only briefly before spearing a grape with his hook and raising it carefully to her lips. She took it from him with a smirk.

They spent the rest of the hour feeding each other grapes in between soft kisses, learning the most basic and mundane facts about each other that had gotten lost in the adventures and the curses and the almost deaths.

It was pretty much the perfect date.

TBC...


	3. 3

Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Once Upon A Time. ABC, Disney,A&amp;E, and whoever else have that distinction. No profit is being made, and no copywrite infringement in intended. "Dust to Dust," where the title and several chapter quotes come from, belongs to the Civil Wars, and is just a perfectly amazing CS song.

AN: Thanks again to all who are favoriting and reviewing, I'm so glad you're enjoying this. A bit more fluff in this one before we get to the serious stuff. Cause the CS in my head literally wrote this themselves, and they were too adorable to stop. There might be too many feels. I'm not really sorry.

* * *

You've Been Lonely Too Long

by Lady Callista

_OoOoOoO_

_Let me in the wall you've built around... We can light a match and burn it down..._

_Let me hold your hand and dance 'round and 'round the flames in front of us..._

_Dust to dust_

_OoOoOoO_

Chapter 3:

Killian had just pulled his phone out of his pocket to call Emma when the device began to vibrate. Seeing her picture made him sigh with relief. "Everything alright, love?" He tried not to sound worried, she was barely ten minutes later after all, but it was Storybrooke, and a lot could happen in ten minutes.

"Yeah, sorry."

Emma's voice sounded frustrated but not upset, and he immediately relaxed, laying back on the bed. "Hopefully nothing too calamitous has happened."

"No, just a few drunk and dis-orderlies down at the Rabbit Hole. Apparently a few of Rob.." Her voice caught, and she cleared her throat. "Apparently without a leader or villains to fight the merry men were bored. Which equaled a Tequila shots challenge followed by a game of darts. Only with throwing knives. And a bow."

Killian couldn't stop the chuckle, but he smothered it quickly. At least weekly she had a story like this for him, one that could only have happened in Storybrooke. "Do you require assistance?"

"No, Dad just called me in for backup, I'll be there soon. Ten minutes."

"See you then, love." He smiled as she echoed his words, then replaced the phone in his pocket.

Wonderful, he thought as he let his eyes slide shut for a moment, now he had ten more minutes to fret. Which was an odd feeling to be having, as it was at the opposite end of the spectrum of what he normally felt on one of their date nights. But they had actually tentatively planned what Emma had decided to call a "Truth or Silence" hour, apparently a reference to some game kids played in this land, and he found that planning it in such a way actually made him nervous about it.

They'd always discussed the hard or painful things organically, as something reminded one of them, or when they simply had to be dealt with, and it was new to be able to think of what he wanted to ask her. And what he wanted to share of himself in return.

Killian had been so certain yesterday what he wanted to talk about, what memories and pain and baggage they might be ready to drag up, but as the time until the date had grown shorter he'd grown more and more worried about his chosen course.

Neither of them had only pain in their pasts, yet that was almost always what they discussed. The betrayals and the deaths and the abandonment. They discussed the pain because it was what had shaped them, what had built the walls and sculpted the masks they hid behind. But it wasn't all that had shaped them.

Killian wanted to know about her happy memories, yet he worried because he knew that in some ways those could be harder to discuss than the painful ones. It could hurt more to remember the happy memories, to share them with another when the person you made them with was gone.

Killian let out a deep sigh, his eyes sliding open as he rose, judging about five minutes to have passed. He had just grabbed his coat, thinking he might as well meet her downstairs, when there was a knock at the door.

He opened it at once, smiling as Emma moved immediately, leaning in to give him a perfunctory kiss before brushing by him with a quick _hi_, take-out bag in hand. He closed his door, hanging his coat back on the rack before turning to her with a raised eyebrow to find her already sitting on his bed, unpacking the bag.

Killian crossed to her at once, sitting beside her on the bed and distracting her by brushing her hair back over her shoulder to kiss her softly on the cheek. Her head twisted over to look at him then, her eyes softening before sliding shut as he kissed her gently yet deeply. "First off, that's a proper _hello_ kiss. Hello, love."

Emma blushed lightly as her eyes slid open on a soft sigh, seeing the twinkle in his eye along with the challenge, and she leaned back in, her hand going to the back of his neck and upping the passion slightly as they kissed again. "Hi." It was a breathless whisper when they finally had to pause to breath.

"Much better." He murmured, his hand cupping her cheek as he kissed her on the nose. "Now, I thought we were eating downstairs and then going for a walk?"

"I don't wanna deal with people right now." Emma groaned even as she plucked up the onion rings that had fallen to the bottom of the bag and popped one into her mouth.

Killian chuckled as he reached for his burger, scooting up on the bed to rest his back against the headboard, legs angled away from where she sat cross-legged. "The Merry Men get a bit too merry?"

"Tequila. Throwing knives. Bow and arrows." Emma stressed.

"I'm unfamiliar with the first." Killian admitted as he unwrapped the burger, inordinately pleased when he pulled up the top of the bun to see that she had remembered he preferred slices of tomato to the oddly flavored liquid she called ketchup.

"It's around as strong as rum, but, well, let's just say it's what you drink when you really want to get trashed."

"Trashed?"

Emma grinned at how odd it sounded in his accent before clarifying, "Drunk. I'm sure you have some fancier phrase for it, but trashed and smashed are both very popular here."

"In his cups." Killian supplied at once, although a dozen cruder words floated through his mind. "And as you bring it up..." He grinned at her as he pulled his flask from the drawer of the table beside the bed.

"Where do you get the dark rum you always have in here?" Emma asked, tilting her head even as she accepted the flask and took a sip. "I asked Granny about it the other day and she said no one in town has it."

His grin widened. "Why, the flask magically refills itself with whatever I want, Swan. It's far and away the most valuable treasure I've e're found."

Emma laughed even as she tried to decide if he was serious or not. It had certainly seemed that way in Neverland, as they had rarely returned to the ship. She'd actually, for a moment, seriously wondered if he had barrels of rum stashed all over the island, and revisited the thought now as she looked into his sparkling eyes.

She honestly couldn't tell if he was serious and she knew he wouldn't tell her, so instead she quipped, "And here I thought that was me."

The mirth died on his face even as Emma realized what she had said, and she froze, her eyes carefully sliding down to her food. She felt the bed shift as he leaned towards her, hand and hook coming to rest on her knees. His voice was incredibly gentle as he husked, "I would never claim to own you, Emma, and besides, something priceless can't be considered a treasure."

She felt her face heat at the sincerity in his voice, how something that should have sounded like a corny line sounded so sweet coming from a man who was speaking from the heart, not from the indoctrination of thousands of commercials and soap operas. She took a deep breath, continuing to stare down into her lap at the grilled cheese that was slowly growing cold, as she waited for the spike of fear. The desire to run. When neither came, and there was only the warm, floaty feeling, Emma took another slow, deep breath, and raised her head.

His face was inches away when she looked up, his eyes pleading with her to see the truth, and it was as natural as breathing to lean in and kiss him briefly but warmly.

"Do you ever want anything other than rum?"

Killian froze halfway to leaning back, his eyes flashing heat before they filled with mirth, and he tilted his head as with a slow grin he let her know exactly what he wanted.

Emma rolled her eyes, slapping the back of her hand against the leg closest to her, grinning at his exaggerated wince before stroking her hand over the thigh she had just slapped. "In the flask, pirate!"

"Why would I?"

The genuine puzzlement in his voice made her laugh, and she finally started to dig into her food.

Their talk as they ate was a typical summing up of their days. Emma comforted him as he related his and Belle's continued failure to figure out how to get anyone out of the bloody hat, and laughed with him as she hit some of the high points of the night's Rabbit Hole incident.

There was a slightly awkward pause as they finished eating, and looking for a distraction she gathered up all of the trash and tossed it into the small garbage basket across the room. His confused grunt as she sing-songed _three points _broke the tension and she laughed, seeing the question in his eyes.

"Basketball, it's a game." She grinned before her face softened, and she shifted around on the bed to curl up against his side, her head resting over his heart. "And I don't wanna go for that walk. I'm good with talking, with... with one of the _hours_, but I just wanna be here with you."

Killian wasn't surprised by the vulnerable tone in her voice, she always had it when admitting something like this, and so he didn't comment as he reached around her to unsnap his hook and toss it to the floor before he began running his arm soothingly up and down her back. What did surprise him was the hint of apology in her voice, and he whispered, "You really think I object to laying here holding you?"

"But we always walk down by the docks, and I see the look in your eyes when you look out over the ocean." Emma said softly, her hand coming up to play with the charms of his necklace. "I know you miss it. I know you miss _her_."

He knew at once what Emma was referring to, and felt a momentary spike of pride that she had at least listened to him enough to know to refer to the Jolly as female. "I do, love. The Jolly and the ocean were my home for centuries. By your own words, of course I would miss them." He leaned his head down to brush a kiss over her forehead, his hand capturing hers and raising it to his lips as well, surprising her by turning her hand to lay a lingering kiss over the pulse point in her wrist. "But I missed you more."

Emma let out of soft sigh as his lips continued to caress her wrist and palm, then gasped as he began nibbling on the curve between her thumb and wrist. Heat shot through her hand before flowing into the rest of her, and she twisted her head to drop a line of soft kisses along his strong jawline.

"What did you do that year?" Emma asked minutes later when the kisses had quieted and they were simply curled up together again. She felt him tense and immediately regretted the question, although she had asked it with a purpose she didn't want to hurt him, and backtracked by stammering, "Sorry, I know you said you wanted it to be equal, but these are your hours, and..."

"It's alright." Killian cut her off gently, his hand stroking over her hair, smiling softly as she shifted her head to kiss his left bicep, and the tattoo that bore her name. "It was like after I lost Milah, and the loss was just this gaping hole in my life, and nothing could fill it. I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that you were alive, and happy, and had forgotten so much of the pain you went through... but I missed you so much."

"I'm so sorry." The pain in his voice cut through her, and she dropped a kiss over his heart.

"It's not as if it was your fault, love." Killian said softly. "You could hardly leave your lad alone."

"So I know at some point you found the Jolly and got her back, because you had her to... to trade, but... Killian, what did you do for a year? My parents said you didn't stay with them but they don't know what happened to you."

Killian felt himself tense again, and leaned down to breath in the scent of her hair as he slowly forced himself to relax. "The tale of how I got the Jolly back is vastly different from how I spent the rest of the year. Which tale would you like?"

"Which do you want to tell?" Emma's voice was softly understanding.

"I only got the Jolly back a moon or so before... well, I spent most of the year teaching my crew how to be pirates of the roads and drinking myself to sleep. And thinking about you." He felt Emma tense in his arms, and shifted until he could see her face, wondering at a tinge of what looked oddly like jealousy in her eyes. "What is it, lass?"

"A few of your crew were there, at the Rabbit Hole, and they were talking about..."

Killian put a hand to her shoulder as she trailed off, shifting them until they were both lying on their sides and facing one another. Something in her eyes told him exactly what his crew had been speaking of, and he suddenly realized why she had been slightly distant with him when she first arrived. He trailed the backs of his fingers over her cheek and said softly, "They bought me wenches at the pubs, as the crew always does for the captain. And when we got out the doors I gave the young ladies a bonus to go home, and in the morning tell my men they'd had a wonderful time."

Her eyes widened in surprise, but she had no doubts that he was telling the truth. "But you thought you'd never see me again."

"And I was dreaming of... well, something I never thought to find again. We both know there's a difference between _wanting_ someone and wanting _someone_."

The longing in his voice was almost overwhelming, and again she felt like apologizing. "I know there is, and maybe we're both idiots for deciding to take things this slow, but..."

"But it matters, love." Killian said softly. "I've no issue with going slow, now that I've assurance we'll get there in the end."

"It will be worth it." Emma smirked, interjecting a teasing note into the conversation that they both very much needed at the moment.

"Oh, I'll make sure of that." His voice was full of delicious promise, and his hand squeezed her bottom briefly before coming to rest on her hip.

She sighed, shifting to drop a kiss on his chest, taking full advantage of how he always left his shirts unbuttoned. She explored until she found a spot that made his breath hitch, memorizing it before laying her head down again, listening as his heartbeat slowed back to normal even as his fingers began trailing a distracting trail up and down her side. Realizing he was comfortable letting the silence hold, fully willing to give up the planned hour now that she had turned the mood joking, she offered softly, "You have to have things you want to ask me."

"I do, love, I'll never tire of wanting to know you better, but at the moment I'm contemplating a different course." His voice was soft and considering. "You asked how I got the Jolly back, and well, that's one of the only things I've done of my own free will since I met you that I'm ashamed of. It's also how Zelena cursed me, which is another thing we've never talked about."

"I don't get it. What's there to talk about?"

"There are... conditions that must be met before a curse directed at a specific person like that can be cast." Killian admitted, her question confirming the conclusion he had eventually come to when she had never asked about it; she didn't understand how such magic worked.

"I want you to tell me, Killian, if you want to, but..." Emma trialed off before admitting, "But I feel bad, because this was supposed to be about me opening up to you, and..."

"And you will, love." Killian soothed, tightening the arm around her back and causing her to cuddle closer. "But you've given me a second chance, and before I can fully be the man you see in me, the man I want to be, I need you to know my sins. I'll not risk them being used to drive us apart."

Emma twisted up to kiss him, and the kiss spun out as they eliminated even the barest hint of space between their bodies. What she had meant to be comforting flashed into passionate as their cores brushed together, rubbing softly, both of them trembling as their jeans only heightened the sensations.

It was Killian who pulled back moments later, doing it by degrees, slowing his hand and gentling his kiss until he rolled onto his back and pulled her back in to rest against his heart. "You make it very hard to remember I'm a gentlemen, love."

Emma loved knowing she had caused the deep, breathless quality in his voice, and slid her fingers up to trail over his exposed collarbone. "After these ten hours. Well, slightly less than nine now. After that, well, that's when the fun begins."

Killian tensed as he recognized the words, and his heart leaped as he inferred her meaning. "And will you have your own place by then?" He managed to keep his voice light and teasing.

"I hope so, cause landladies with werewolf senses, well... no way." Emma laughed, cuddling back into him as his body relaxed again, giving him a moment before prompting gently, "How did you get the Jolly Roger back? And what does that have to do with Zelena's curse?"

And so he told her.

She let him pause when he needed too, saying nothing as her fingers trailed soothingly over his cheek. She wiped the single tear that fell from the corner of his eye as he finished the story with Ariel, both during the lost year and then in Storybrooke, and tensed against him when he, hesitantly and at her urging, gave her the words he said to what he thought was a mermaid, as nearly as he could remember.

Emma shifted their positions then, understanding now just how deep his devotion to her was, and how the way she treated him after he gave up his home to bring her back to hers must have hurt him. Yet he had never been anything but supportive of her, wanting what was best for her even when she herself hadn't known what that was.

She had thought she understood the enormousness of what he had done in trading the Jolly Roger for a magic bean, but realized now that maybe it meant more than she could even understand. She pulled up off of his chest, kissing him softly before sliding to lay back on the pillows, her arms urging him to cuddle against her.

Something warm flowed through her as he offered her his left arm, and she smiled gently as she undid the buckles of the brace, tossing it over the side of the bed to join the hook he had discarded when she first cuddled up to him.

Killian slid down, curving a leg over hers even as his hand slid over her torso, teasing up her side before sliding under her shoulder and gripping it from underneath. He pillowed his head on her breasts and took a moment to just be, slowly relaxing into her warmth and understanding.

He knew she was likely expecting him to make an inappropriate comment, but at the moment he was content with the calm. She stroked his hair softly, and after several long moments he began to speak again, telling her of Zelena's words after she had revealed herself.

Emma listened to that as well, hearing the pain in his voice, and kissed his forehead softly when the tale was finally completed.

"She wasn't just your ship, Killian. She was your home." Emma said softly, one hand linked with his while the other stroked up and down his back. "I don't think I'd give up my home for a stranger either."

"You gave up your magic for a villain."

Emma smiled softly, sliding her fingers up to the back of his neck, smile widening as he sighed and cuddled closer into her. "I gave up my magic for a good man who has made some mistakes, who has never given up on me, and who has proven my happiness is more important to him than his own. A man whose faith in me helped me find that magic again, and who wasn't afraid of it even when I was."

Killian found himself absolutely speechless as her soft words settled in his heart, and finally he had to resort back to teasing, knowing the words he wanted to speak were not ones she was quite ready to hear. "And yet you worried I had been unfaithful during the year we were apart."

"Not unfaithful, god, there was no relationship, no..." She trailed off as his arms tightened around her, and lightened her voice, "I wouldn't be upset if you had... I, I was just... I was curious." Emma admitted. "You had changed so much from who you seemed when I first met you, yet your men's talk of you during that year paints you pretty much as the pirate you always were. It surprised me, actually."

"I tried to be that man again, for my attempt to not be a villain had only brought me more pain." Killian admitted. "But it was an act, something I neither enjoyed nor took pride in as I once had. I still wanted to be a better man, the man I once was, but without you I had absolutely no idea how to achieve that goal."

"But we saw Ariel in the mirror, she was with her prince, she found him." Emma realized suddenly.

"And I'm glad of that love, more than you can know, but it wasn't my doing." Killian whispered.

"Well maybe we'll see her again someday, and you can explain." Emma said gently. "And thank her for leading you to your ship, because without that..."

"We wouldn't be here now." Killian said softly, the horror at the possibility clear in his voice.

"But we are." Emma soothed, grinning when he nuzzled slightly into the pillow of her breasts. "Now, this really isn't fair, once again you're doing all the talking."

After all they had discussed already, he was no longer worried about asking this question. "Before you came to Storybrooke, back when you were just a normal person, what was your happiest memory?"

"Killian, I..."

"We talk about the pain and the loss all the time, but I'd like to share your joys as well." Killian soothed softly, reaching up to stroke her cheek. "Sometimes a moment becomes stained with the pain that follows it, but you can't allow that to destroy the beauty of the moment. That's one of the things I learned during that year. I despaired that I would never again know the touch of your lips, but still cherished the memory of your kiss."

"If I look at it that way, Killian..." Emma hesitated, tilted her head at the same moment he raised his from her chest, their lips inches apart. "It would be something with Neal."

"I expected that, love." He replied at once, his eyes full of understanding. "You lived, well, not many years by my standards, but..." He paused as she chuckled with him, then went on, "You had a life before me, Emma, and I'll never be upset by anyone that made it more bearable. I want to know the good moments in your life, not just the bad."

"And you'll tell me about Milah? And Liam? The good times?"

"Aye, love. It's time we shared something happy."

Emma took a deep breath and began to tell him a story about a city named Tallahassee.

TBC...


	4. 4

Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Once Upon A Time. ABC, Disney,A&amp;E, and whoever else have that distinction. No profit is being made, and no copywrite infringement in intended. "Dust to Dust," where the title and several chapter quotes come from, belongs to the Civil Wars, and is just a perfectly amazing CS song.

AN: As always, thanks to everyone for all your kind words, I'm so happy to know people are enjoying this. I'm having so much fun writing it! This chapter is more slice-of-lifey than I normally write, but I actually really like that about it. Just the casualness of it shows all the character developments.

This chapter is dedicated to Ash, who inspired the idea by requesting something slightly different that I will hopefully get to someday.

* * *

You've Been Lonely Too Long

by Lady Callista

_OoOoOoO_

"_I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others that at last their true nature could not reveal itself... But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love, and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all."_

_-Soren Kierkegaard _

_OoOoOoO_

Chapter 4:

"Clubbing?"

Emma could hear the confusion in his voice, and from the look slowly filling his eyes tried to imagine what he was thinking. She couldn't even begin to guess. "Not... I don't know how to explain it. A club is like a bar, a... a tavern. But it also has music, and dancing, and..."

"So it's a ball." He said simply, eyebrow rising as if he didn't understand why that had been so hard to explain.

"No, well..." Emma trailed off as baby Neal let out a cry. She rose at once, smirking as Killian's hand slid down her side to squeeze her hip gently before he let her go. She crossed to the crib, picking her brother up and cuddling him to her chest, automatically starting to bounce him lightly.

"What's wrong?"

Emma smiled, tucking her head to kiss Neal's forehead and hide her amusement from her pirate. Although he'd been over for dinner several times, Neal had mostly slept through those dinners, and this was the first time he'd been here when her parents were gone. They'd just gone out for dinner and a walk; a nice, calm, normal couple of hours that they were all slowly getting used to being able to take again.

After over a month of peace and quiet Emma was starting to entertain the hope that maybe it would actually hold this time.

Killian had called to see if she was free for the evening, and she'd immediately invited him over. He'd been somewhat nervous when he discovered she was watching Neal, refusing both times she'd offered to let him hold the boy.

His immediate concern now at the slightest sound made her more certain than ever that her line of thinking was correct, and he simply hadn't been around babies much. Neither had she technically, but thanks to Regina's memories, somewhat faded but still accessible, she knew everything about raising one.

Emma lowered her head, and in the manner of mothers everywhere determined with a quick sniff that his diaper was clean. "He's probably just hungry." She said softly, crossing the room to sit on the couch beside him, Neal already cooing in her arms. "Can you hold him while I heat up a bottle?"

"Swan... I..."

Although she had noticed his refusals before, she hadn't noticed the worry in his eyes. She shifted when Neal began fussing, rocking him lightly. "You haven't been around babies much, have you?"

"No, I haven't actually, but it's not..."

Emma was close enough to see the worry shift to fear, and what she could swear was shame. "Killian..." She kept her voice soft, trailing off naturally, but the question was clear.

He didn't speak, but flinched away from her, breaking eye contact to stare down into his lap, where his left arm, and hook, rested. The fear and shame was clear at once, and Emma shifted her brother until she could slide an arm around Killian's back. "You won't hurt him."

"You can't know that." Killian whispered.

"I can." Emma whispered back, sliding her hand up to play her fingers over his neck, something that normally made him shiver but barely elicited a reaction this time, other than a clenching of his jaw. She didn't take offense, she could completely understand this fear even if she didn't share it. Emma waited until his eyes came back up to hers, and couldn't help but slide her fingers around to caress his cheek, aching to take the sadness from his eyes. "Just be as gentle with him as you are with me."

"Emma..." Killian's eyes widened and his hand slid into her hair, leaning in for a soft kiss that she deepened slightly before pulling back.

"Have you ever held a baby?"

Killian only shook his head, still speechless at her trusting him with her brother, and at the tenderness when she admitted that she knew just how careful he had been with her.

Neal was old enough that you didn't have to worry about supporting his neck or being careful of the soft spot on his head anymore, so Emma only smiled softly at Killian's anxiousness. She could still see the nerves in his eyes though, and realized that the combination of his two worries might just be more than she wanted to make him deal with at the moment. She shifted around until she could close her hand over his hook, a raised eyebrow asking her question for her. At his nod she twisted, unsnapping the hook and setting it on the coffee table, kissing him sweetly on the cheek before passing Neal to him slowly.

Now that the hook was gone so were most of his nerves it seemed, although his face was still too intense as he listened to her few words of instruction before his arms began to rock slightly awkwardly. She stayed long enough to see that Neal wouldn't start crying again, then patted his shoulder reassuringly as she rushed to the kitchen to heat a bottle.

"So why is a ball not like a club?"

His voice was calm again, but she could sense that he was trying to use the discussion to distract himself slightly, so she only smiled as she set the filled bottle in the pot of already warming water. "Different type of dancing, different type of music." Inspiration struck, and she grabbed her phone from the counter and hit the button for youtube.

A movie she'd loved as a child was her first thought, and with a smirk Emma pulled up clips from Dirty Dancing, selecting the first one she found from the instructor's after-hours parties even as she leaned over the back of the couch, holding the phone so he could see it as she hit play.

His eyebrows rose almost to his hairline at the pulsing music, even at the low volume she had the phone at, and at the grinding, revealingly-clad dancers. She could swear she heard the wicked thoughts forming in his head ever before he commented hopefully, "I don't suppose there is a dance club in Storybrooke?"

"Nope." Emma grinned, stopping the video and placing her phone in her back pocket, giving his shoulders a quick squeeze before wandering back towards the kitchen and tossing back over her shoulder, "But one of these days we'll figure out how to leave and be able to come back. We're only about an hour from Portland - a city big enough to have a club."

"And does my partner know what she's doing?"

Emma flushed at his immediate retort, catching the twinkle in his eyes before she turned back to check on the bottle. "You'll have to wait and see."

"Well, lessons beforehand are always beneficial."

Emma could hear the teasing note in his voice, but realized he wasn't entirely wrong. And she couldn't stop the heat that spiraled through her body at the thought of dancing with him like that, their bodies so close...

Neal's sudden cry jerked her out of her thoughts, and Emma tested the temperature of the bottle before rushing back to the couch as she caught the edge of panic in Killian's voice as it called her name.

"It's okay." Emma soothed. Rather than taking Neal back as he obviously expected, Emma passed him the bottle, guiding it to the baby's mouth even as she explained to Killian how to hold it so he wasn't sucking on air.

His eyes cut back to her nervously, but Emma only smiled again, leaning her temple against his shoulder, her eyes on the baby now happily having his dinner.

Killian was silent for a long moment, and Emma was just about to speak when she felt him relax, the tension leaving his body as he rested his head against hers for a moment. "He's so focused. It's as if the world could be exploding around him and as long as he had his bottle he would be content."

Emma chuckled at the tinge of wonder in his voice. "Babies are always like that. I remember with Henry..." She trailed off; thinking it was one thing, but saying it out loud was another. Because they both knew she didn't really remember.

"Have you ever..."

His voice was so soft she could barely hear him, even from inches away, and she slid her arm around his back again. "We're in the middle of one of our hours. That means we can ask each other anything."

"I'm thinking of what your mother said, in Echo Cave. What you have with Henry is just as unique as what you have with your parents, but..."

He trailed off, but Emma had already figured out where he was leading, and why he had stopped himself from asking the first question. She tensed as she completed the thought in her head. _Have you ever thought of having another child?_

It was an understandable question, especially knowing he had thought of her mom's comment, and she even thought maybe it was one he had the right to know the answer to. But it was one she really tried to not think about, let alone discuss.

After giving Henry up, she had never thought about having another child. Never wanted to. Yet in the dead of night, when she woke to Neal's cries and was halfway out of bed before the instinctive maternal response was quieted by one of her parents speaking softly to her brother, in the dead of night the thought had been sneaking up on her.

It was, indeed, just as her mother had said. And she might have it slightly worse, what with Regina's fake memories and all. She knew, in a way her mother didn't, just what exactly she had missed.

And under the fear, the tiniest part of her did want to do it again, and not miss everything.

Just the other night, she had woken from a dream of a baby with her golden hair and Killian's sparkling sapphire eyes, and had felt the slightest bit of regret under the overwhelming relief of realizing it was a dream.

"Remember that not every question needs to be answered tonight."

Killian's voice was soft and soothing, and Emma realized that he'd obviously felt her tense and was worried that despite what she had said about talking about anything, he had pushed too far. The idea was laughable - he had never pushed her into anything and she knew he never would.

She was still tense, and she could feel the tingles of fear tricking through her brain and heart, but she reminded herself that he would never push and given how things were going between them it really was something he had a right to know.

Emma raised her finger to stroke her brother's cheek, smiling as even in the midst of feeding he turned slightly into the touch. She calmed herself with the scent of baby, -powder and soap and somehow sweet, and the scent of Killian - rum and something spicy and somehow still the pleasant salty tinge of the sea. For a brief instant she imagined accepting that both things made her think of home. Of family.

"Yes." The word came out choked, and Emma cleared her throat before trying again. "I don't think about it like mom did, I mean... not, not now or for a while or... but yeah. Someday, yeah. Have you ever..."

Killian went still for a brief second before letting out a deep sigh. "Milah and I spoke of it, but in the same way we spoke of someday going back for Bae."

Emma closed her eyes, letting his soft voice waft over her as she tried to imagine how he must have been back then. Both hands still, young and in love and happy, finally getting over the loss of his brother. But his voice had a dark tinge to it she didn't understand until he went on.

"It was always someday though, and I think in the end mayhaps we would both have remained too selfish. A child wouldn't really have fit into the life we both loved so much. And once I lost her, well, I didn't think of it again."

"Oh..." Emma cut in at once, starting to babble even as she backtracked, all her nerves and insecurities rushing back. "Well, yeah, that makes sense, I mean...

"Emma." His voice was soft, but while she cut off she couldn't meet his eyes. She stared down at her brother, still oblivious to the world beyond his bottle, and felt her eyes widen in amazement as Killian shifted Neal into the crook of his good arm, his wrist twisting to keep the bottle in the baby's mouth the entire time. It had taken her days to perfect that. Well, at least in her memories. His left wrist came up gently under her chin, and when her panicked eyes met his he husked, "I didn't think of a child, because I didn't think I would ever love again. Now that I, well, I think of it. Someday."

The understanding in the final word, and in the way he echoed her yet still somehow managed to weave in a hint of promise, caused her to flush. So did the way he had cut himself off, yet again, from finally saying those three words. She knew that was yet another way he would let her lead, and the desire to say the words was slowly growing larger than the fear.

Emma admitted to herself that it was no longer a matter of if she would say it, but when.

"That someday is a ways off." She couldn't help the warning tone in her voice, even though she realized it was unnecessary. His arm wrapped around her waist even as she felt him chuckle, and she marveled at how he shifted yet again to keep the bottle and baby held comfortably. For having no experience he was certainly a natural, which made sense when she thought about how easily he did most things she had first thought would give him trouble. He had centuries of adapting to his lost hand, and now that the nerves of holding or possibly hurting the baby were gone he was perfectly comfortable, as he somehow managed to be in every situation, no matter how strange it was to him.

"Aye, love." Killian said softly, kissing her temple before settling back against the couch, where she resumed using his shoulder as a pillow. He couldn't help shaking his shoulder slightly, causing her head to bob back and forth, as he teased darkly, "Just like dancing, some things take a lot of practice."

Months ago she would have had a snappy comeback to that, or would have just frozen him out. She might have slapped him on the shoulder if he was close enough. Now she only chuckled and shook her head slightly. "You and your one-track mind."

She'd explained the slang before, so he only chuckled, his voice teasing as he agreed, "I know my course, aye. And to my great relief you've stopped telling me to change it."

Emma grinned, relaxing back into the easy banter they had always shared. It had become more important to them than ever over the past month, as their conversations brought up old pains and angers that they were both unaccustomed to sharing with another. The levity in the midst of serious and hard revelations had been necessary, and so Emma was surprised when before she could reply his voice turned softly emotional again.

"I won't change course, love." He promised softly, knowing she would relate it to what they had been speaking of a moment ago. "No matter how rough the waters, no matter the rocks in the way... we're in this together. For as long as you'll have me."

The word _forever _whispered on the edge of her mind, and she shoved it back before the panic could rise. Then she recognized the underlying promise in his tone and realized what he was really saying. The panic began to simmer again, and she had to resort back to teasing, "I have rather gotten used to having you around. Just remember that _together_ means no more keeping things from me."

The gently delivered reproach caused him to cringe as the reference always did. She couldn't help it though - forgiveness didn't mean forgetting, especially on a second offense. She wanted so badly to trust him again, and she did, really, in all the ways that mattered, but she knew it would break them if he kept things from her again.

And he deserved the occasional stab of guilt caused by being reminded of how much of an idiot he had been.

Killian winced, taking a deep breath before whispering, "I swore it, love. I'll do whatever it takes to show you I can be worthy of your trust in me."

The self-loathing in his barely audible voice shook her heart, and it was not at all what Emma had been going for. She'd meant to tease him, not hurt him. She forgot sometimes how insecure and ashamed he could be, underneath all his flirting and bravado and projected ego.

The last time she'd brought it up he had teased her back, saying he would tell her everything as long as she promised not to run. They'd gone on teasing each other back and forth, grinning like idiots as the promise requests grew more ludicrous; she'd been asking him to promise to always answer her phone calls, and he had retorted with asking her to never again smack him for making a dirty joke when a waiter's arrival had ended the conversation.

Maybe them being alone now, and in the middle of one of their conversations where they could tell each other anything, was responsible for the change, and Emma let the thoughts swirl in her mind for a long, tense moment before offering softly, "Everyone makes mistakes, Killian, and you've forgiven me my share of them. And after everything you've done for me... with me... Killian, you don't have to prove you're worthy. You don't have to prove anything to me at all."

"Perhaps it's myself I need to prove it to."

Emma barely caught the soft murmur, and knew there was no reply she could give to that. He hadn't argued with her words, and she understood needing to prove something to yourself. She had been doing it her whole life. She only leaned up to kiss his cheek softly, smiling into a full kiss when he turned his head, his heart in his eyes before they slid shut, and then he was deepening the kiss and suddenly Emma couldn't breathe as heat rushed through her at the intensity of it all.

"You're amazing." Killian breathed when they finally parted for breath, jolting when Neal shifted in his arm and let out a babble of sound.

The wonder in his eyes when he looked at her sometimes no longer caused the flare of panic, instead it was one of the things she had come to trust in most. He was her rock, always there for her no matter what it cost him personally. And she couldn't help the grin that spread across her face as he smirked down at Neal, asking in a lilting voice, "Are you agreeing with me, lad? Do you know just how spectacular your sister is?"

Neal gurgled again, little fist waving, and Emma giggled as his flailing fingers latched on to one of Killian's rings. The tiny fingers began pulling the ring towards his mouth, bottle forgotten, yet before Emma could even get out a warning Killian was chuckling and pulling back on his hand, replacing it once again with the bottle. "That's probably not the best dessert for you, lad."

Killian cut his eyes back up to Emma, his grin widening as he quipped, "Although I must admire the lad's eye for treasure. Mayhaps one day both you _and he _will make good pirates."

"That would be difficult in this world." Emma quipped without thinking, then bit her lip as she realized the can of worms she might have unleashed.

They knew that ways existed back to the Enchanted Forest, and Emma had known that one day they would have to talk about it, if they were going to stay in her world or go back to his. Other people in town might eventually decide to talk about it as well, although at the moment no one seemed to want to break the peace that had settled over the town. She just hadn't meant to talk about it today.

"I meant only in spirit, love." His answer was surprisingly light, as if he had picked up on her tensing and realized he needed to let it go. "You might make an excellent pirate, but it's hardly what you're meant for. And I believe I've mentioned to you that my heart was no longer in it during that long year."

"You still miss the Jolly."

"And as I've already told you, I missed you more. I won't deny that if the opportunity presented itself I would love to have her back, but I don't need her, love. A ship is meant to take you places, and there is nowhere else I wish to go."

Emma was about to reply to the sweet statement when the loft's front door swung open, and she chuckled as he mumbled under his breath, "Although at the moment I would dearly love to have her just for the privacy she would provide."

If Snow White was surprised or concerned to see her baby in the hands of a pirate, she certainly didn't show it, merely greeting them both as she took off her coat, David moving by her to the kitchen with a bag of what Emma assumed was leftovers.

"We brought you some stew, but I see you ate already." David called out as he exited the kitchen.

Emma grinned at the memory. While she regretted not introducing Killian to pizza while they were in New York, when they could have gotten a simply amazing fresh pizza, his reaction to the frozen version had been fairly amusing, and she reminded herself to introduce him to new foods more often. "Yeah, it felt like a pizza kind of night. How was your date?"

Snow grinned at her. "Fun. It still feels weird, to be able to take all this time to ourselves."

"I know." Emma agreed, her eyes flicking to her pirate before returning to her mother.

"We were thinking of watching a movie, any suggestions?" David asked as he sat down in the chair across from them. His gaze fell to the hook resting on the coffee table, but he didn't comment on it, nor on his baby who was nearly asleep in Killian's arm.

"Hook?" Emma quipped as she followed his gaze.

David raised an eyebrow even as a slow grin settled over his face as the idea obviously grew on him.

"Not tonight." Snow chimed in as she settled beside Emma on the couch, leaning over her to trail her finger's down Neal's cheek. "I was thinking more of a comedy."

They debated movie choices back and forth for a moment, Killian understandably silent as he had no idea what they were talking about. The baby in his arms had fallen back to sleep, and he reached out hesitantly to stroke his cheek as Snow had a moment ago, his eyes widening as even in sleep Neal latched on to his finger.

Killian was smiling softly when Emma glanced over at him, neither of them noticing when Snow rose from the couch to cross to the DVD cabinet. The wonder and wistfulness were clear on his face, and she leaned in to whisper softly, "I told you that you wouldn't hurt him."

Killian nodded distractedly, about to reply when Snow let out a caw of triumph that caused both of them to look her way.

"Princess Bride."

Emma grinned and nodded, David sighed dramatically although clearly approved, and with a dramatic flourish of his hand said, "As you wish."

Emma and Snow both giggled, and Killian's eyes snapped back to Emma. "Am I finally about to learn why you either grin or blush when I say that?"

Emma blushed while Snow laughed harder and David let out a groan.

"Shall I take that as confirmation?"

"Just shut up and watch, pirate." Emma retorted before asking softly, gesturing to Neal, "Want me to take him? We can put him back in his crib now that he's asleep."

"I think we're all good where we are, love."

The multiple meanings of that phrase were not lost on her, and Emma ducked under his arm to cuddle into his side as the movie started.

When Snow sat back down beside her, saying softly, "Yeah, we are," Emma reached behind herself for a moment, smiling when her mother found her hand and squeezed it briefly.

Then she cuddled back into her pirate, her head resting in what had quickly become her favorite spot, where she could listen to the comforting _thump _of his heart.

TBC...


	5. 5

Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Once Upon A Time. ABC, Disney,A&amp;E, and whoever else have that distinction. No profit is being made, and no copywrite infringement in intended. "Dust to Dust," where the title and several chapter quotes come from, belongs to the Civil Wars, and is just a perfectly amazing CS song.

AN: Thanks to everyone as always for the wonderful reviews, I'm so glad this is being enjoyed. I've caught this story up to the new half-season now, and future chapters will be set around the episodes. As I said in an earlier chapter, any suggestions for scenes or flashbacks you want are welcome.

* * *

You've Been Lonely Too Long

by Lady Callista

_OoOoOoO_

_"You've held your head up, you've fought the fight, you bear the scars, you've done your time,_

_Listen to me, you've been lonely, too long" -Dust to Dust_

_OoOoOoO_

Chapter 5:

_"I once told you that how I met Pan was a tale for another time." _

_Hook's voice broke the silence that had settled over the two of them once they returned to camp. _

_Emma blinked, startled out of her train of thought by his sudden words. For an instant she was back in Neverland, staring into the dark jungle with him as he told her of Milah, as he explained it wasn't just for her that he had come. _

_But the images swirled away in an instant, replaced by the horror of the last hour. _

_She'd just seen her mother die, burned to death in a hideous irony where the witch won and the princess was burned at the stake. And he wanted to tell her about Pan?_ Now?

_Yet before she could snap at him, she caught his eyes, and the mix of sympathy and understanding swirling in their too-blue depths nearly took her breath away. "I remember."_

_"The first person I ever lost, the first I loved, was my brother Liam." _

_He told her the tale briefly, from the day he and Liam had unfurled the Pegasus sail to the day his brother died in his arms. _

_Emma's eyes softened in understanding, both as to why he hadn't wanted to tell her about his first meeting with Pan before, and in why he was telling her now. Empathy swirled through her at the heartache in his voice. Yet another way they were alike, now, another way they understood each other. _

_"After I lost my brother, all I could do was relive that final, terrible moment. Don't do that to yourself, love."_

Emma gasped as a knock on the door pulled her from a dead sleep.

She blinked rapidly, scrubbing a hand over her face as she tried to orient herself.

Neal had been fussy all night, and despite her parent's best efforts had kept her awake as well. Although just as exhausted as she was, Snow was at a council meeting with Neal, David was at the station, and she had been planning to meet Killian for lunch. The last thing she remembered was sitting on the couch to enjoy her morning off with a book and a cup of cocoa.

The knock repeated again, this time slightly more urgently. "Swan?"

"I'm here." Emma called out at once, hearing the worry in his voice and picking up her phone to check the time even as she rose to unlock the door. It was twenty minutes after twelve, and she had two texts and one missed call from him. Anywhere but Storybrooke that, as well as him showing up at her door when she was only twenty minutes late, would have annoyed her. But she knew just how much could happen in twenty minutes in Storybrooke, especially to her.

She unlocked the door and pulled it open in one smooth motion, her hand immediately coming up to rest on his chest. "Sorry, Neal was fussy last night, and I must have fallen asleep, and..."

All traces of concern fell away from his face, and his sudden smirk and chuckle caused Emma to trail off. "So I see." His fingers trailed lightly over her cheek, and Emma realized with horror that he had to be tracing lines the cushion had left there. She flushed as his fingers trailed back into her hair, catching on several knots and working them free with a gentleness that no longer surprised her. "If you need to sleep, love, we can meet for dinner instead."

"No, I..." Memories of the dream she had woken from, which was itself a memory, swirled muddily through her still only half-awake mind. "Sorry, just having some really weird dreams."

Killian's smile widened, and the naughty twinkle in his eyes woke her up faster than coffee ever would. "And did I feature in them?"

Emma grinned, moving back from the door and motioning him in. He grinned back, moving by her just enough for her to close the door, his hand coming to her cheek as he greeted her with the slow, deep kiss he considered a proper-hello-kiss.

"Hi." She breathed him in, arms wrapping around his waist. "And yeah, you did, but... but not in a fun way. I was kinda dreaming about the past."

"We have been speaking of it a great deal." Killian mussed, and she saw the flash of pain go through his eyes before it faded, and his hand slid from her cheek to stroke through her hair again. "I've had some dreams of it this past month as well."

"And you've got way more to remember than I do." Emma bantered, leaning up to kiss his cheek as she watched the sparkle come back to his eyes at her gentle teasing.

"That I do." His voice had deepened slightly, growing husky, and his hand slid to the back of her neck, massaging up and down in such a way that Emma could literally feel the tension in her shoulders melting away. "And I look forward to the day when I can show you more of what I've learned in all my long years."

Emma felt a thrill shoot through her at the dark promise and heat in his voice, and didn't resist the desire to lean back in for another deep kiss. She felt his arm wrap around her back, and suddenly he was lifting her slightly, just enough to spin them around and put her back against the door, his hand sliding up to cushion the back of her head from impact.

Emma gasped as he pinned her to the door with his body, deepening the kiss, and with his strength and heat surrounding her it felt like both victory and surrender when she lowered all of her walls and gave herself over to the embrace without reservation or worry.

"You're going to be the death of me, love." Killian whispered in her ear minutes or hours later, when he broke the kiss and left both of them gasping for air. He started to move his hips back as well, but Emma's arms clutched him to her, and he took deep breaths and just absorbed how perfect and right it felt to be with her like this.

She chuckled, head still resting on his shoulder as her body hummed pleasantly. With her walls down it seemed the easiest thing in the world to whisper, "I like that you're like this now."

"Hmmm?" He pulled back just enough to catch her eyes, head tilted slightly as he always did when confused. She could never tell him how cute she found it.

"It's just..." Emma reached out to stroke his cheek, and for an instant let herself really see everything his eyes were always telling her. "You're so different from how I thought you were in the beginning. I, I mean _Killian_, underneath Hook, underneath the pirate."

She was sputtering and uncertain, and it was so strange to see her that way that Killian immediatley reverted to trying to sooth her, which as it always did between them involved teasing her gently, "Are you saying I'm not a pirate, love?"

She grinned, the tension that had started to creep into her fading away as she took a deep breath and relaxed into his embrace again. "Oh, I'd never say that, but you're so much more. You were telling me the truth when you said you're always a gentlemen, and I... I know why you let me make the first moves for so long, and I think maybe that's how it had to be, but I... I like..."

The confusion slowly cleared as it dawned on him what Emma was trying to tell him, even as she broke off, her cheeks flaming hotly. "I barely remember what it's like to not want you, and I love that you're no longer afraid of me showing it. You trust me, Emma, and I'll not betray that by pushing you, but I've wanted this for so long. To be able to hold you, and kiss you, not because we need comfort or just survived a dastardly plot, but just because I want to. Because I know you won't run from me."

Emma's heart melted, all of her embarrassment fading away. She wasn't good with words, especially not about her feelings, while he was always putting everyone else to shame with his eloquence and openness. Not only had he understood what for some reason she had been embarrassed to admit, that she liked the hints of physical forcefulness, liked it when he took control and kissed her or pushed her against the wall, but he hadn't teased her about it. Instead he'd turned it around on himself and opened himself up to her even more, just as he always did. "No more running." She whispered against his lips before she kissed him again.

They nearly lost themselves again, and once more Killian was the one who pulled back, breaking the kiss with a dark groan, gasping when her lips only shifted to trail down his neck. His hand on her neck shifted to grasp her hair, and he gently pulled back even as his body ached to let her continue with her sweet torments. She let him move her, although the soft way she moaned his name frayed the remained edges of his control. Killian released his hand from her hair, pushing against the door to shift himself away from her. "Emma... we have seven hours yet to go, lass."

"I'm beginning to think we were crazy for that." Emma breathed, yet she did loosen her arms to allow him to step back a little further. The shiver that went through her as he stepped back was due more to the heat in his eyes than the sudden rush of air between their bodies.

"There is something to be said for the anticipation though, wouldn't you say?" Killian's expression was positively sinful as he skimmed his hand up her side, stopping when his thumb hit the curve of her breast.

"Then let's have one of those hours now, we can eat after." Emma suggested, wiggling her eyebrows at him and giving his ass a quick squeeze before she ducked out from under his arms and headed over to the couch.

He followed her, mumbling once again that she was going to be the death of him.

"You have a question in your mind, I can see it." He said softly as he sat beside her.

"I told you I was dreaming about the past... It was about when we went there." Emma said softly. "When you were telling me about your brother..."

"Aye, I recall." It still hurt to think about Liam, but not as much as it had before the other week, when he'd begun telling her happy stories about him and his brother as well. As he had told her when they were in the past, as he had alluded to when he first asked her to tell him her happy memories, he had focused on the pain of the loss for so long that he'd nearly forgotten all the good times. Thinking of him still brought pain, but not quite as much as it used to, and he knew that was because of Emma. Because now he was thinking of the good as well.

"Before I realized me still being there meant my mom was alive, I wanted to ask you something. I forgot about it when..."

"Understandable, lass." Killian smiled gently. "What did my story make you wonder?"

"I knew you weren't always a pirate, obviously, but I never thought about why you became one. I was going to ask if that was why."

Killian flinched at the memory of his brother's body sliding into the sea. At the memory of a burning sail and blue coats sailing into the air, words wrenched from the depths of his soul flowing from his lips as he talked his brother's men... his men... into avenging the brother he would have followed to the ends of the earth. "Aye, love. I could not follow a king who would destroy a people, and I wanted revenge on him for my brother's death. Yet another revenge I failed to achieve."

His voice had gone nearly flat, and Emma risked teasing him, trying to figure out what was going on in his head. Even his eyes had gone blank, shutting her out in a way he almost never did. "You did make a pretty lousy villain."

Something sparked in his eyes, and he reached out to link their fingers together. "A man can't be good at everything."

Emma couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out. "I never expected to hear any man, let alone you, admit that."

He grinned at her, eyes sparkling, the brief wave of melancholy that had flowed through him as he remembered Liam's death washed away at the simple joy of seeing her laugh like that. She had never looked more beautiful to him, and he said as much in a tender voice that caused all traces of laughter to fade from her face.

"I'm happy." She whispered, an explanation as much as an assurance, and this time when they kissed it was achingly sweet.

"As am I, love." Killian husked, resting his forehead on hers as his thumb teased the dimple on her chin. "We've avoided it so far, but I wonder if you're ready to speak of something."

"What's that?" Emma wondered as she pulled back enough to see him properly.

"The Snow Queen." Killian whispered. "You've told everyone she sacrificed herself to end the spell, but you've said nothing more on it to anyone."

"I sort-of got distracted by your heart and all." Emma edged, feeling her hand give a nervous twitch.

He squeezed it gently, his thumb beginning to rub soothing circles over her wrist. "I thought mayhaps you had spoken of it with your parents that first night, when I wasn't there, and didn't want to make you go over it again so soon. But your mother recently asked if you had spoken of it with me, because you hadn't with her or Dave, and well..."

"All she ever wanted was a family, the sisters she had lost. People who didn't look at her with horror because of her magic. I remember how it felt, when Mary Margaret looked at me that way, and..."

"She felt horrible about that, lass." Killian whispered. "She doesn't fear you, nor do I. I never have." He had never feared her, although he still harbored a slight twinge of what used to be an overwhelming fear that she would run from him and never return. And the always there kernel of worry that she would be lost to him in a more permanent way. The fear that his heart would shatter a third time, and this time all that would be left was darkness.

"No, you never have." Emma thought briefly of his experiences with magic before her; villains killing people he loved and threatening his life if he didn't do as they wished. She couldn't help the tinge of wonder in her voice as she breathed, "How is that?"

As if he had followed the same train of thought she had just, Killian took a deep breath before answering softly, "I knew you before I knew you had magic, Emma. And you were everything that was good and bright, and... I had only seen the dark side of magic before, but I knew that couldn't be what was in you."

Emma couldn't help the chuckle the slipped through her lips, and she recognized immediately the look on his face that clearly said, _okay, what unintended reference have I made now?_

"Dark side, sorry, it's just... We need to add Star Wars to the list of movies you have to see." Emma put the thought aside then, cuddling into his side as his words replayed in her mind. She was everything that was good and bright to him, and that thought didn't scare her nearly as much as it should have.

"How many of these moving pictures are there, Swan?" His voice held sincere curiosity as his arm came around her, fingers playing lightly over her shoulder and arm. "How much of your time do people in this world spend staring at a box filled with other people who are actually out living their lives?"

"It's not that much different than reading a book." Emma protested.

"Oh, I beg to differ, love." Killian replied, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "My imagination can show me many things your box doesn't. And there's something to be said for knowing what a person is thinking."

"I didn't have much control over how I lived my life when I was young, and no one ever really let me do what I wanted. But I could escape into movies; I could pretend I was a princess, or a superhero. That's, uh..."

"I know what a superhero is, love, your son has shown me all too many of his picture stories."

Emma chuckled, the image of Captain Hook reading X-Men comics with her son filling her heart with joy. "I could be anyone, anywhere in the universe, and for a few hours I could let that be all there was."

"I did that with stories, and with songs." Killian said softly. "With hearing sailors talk of all the wonders they had seen and imagining that someday I would see them as well. Dreaming of what could be out there..."

Emma glanced around the loft, seeing all the technology and inventions that sometimes still filled him with wonder. She'd lost track of the number of photos he'd taken of her with his phone, and still giggled every time she thought of the astonishment on his face when she had introduced him to GPS. "I bet you never pictured this."

Everything about him softened, "No, love, I'd have never dreamed I would be this lucky."

"So you always wanted to be a sailor." Emma said softly after a comfortable moment of silence. "I wanted to be a superhero."

"Which one?" He relaxed back into the couch, and she shifted with him until her ear rested in its place over his heart.

"Oh, it depended on the day." Emma smiled softly at the memory. "And it wasn't always a _real_ one, lots of times I would make up my own powers, things I thought would make my life better."

"I'll bet you never pictured this." He grinned as he parroted her own words back to her, his hand releasing hers only to trail his fingertips over her palm and fingers, eyes twinkling as he saw heat fill her eyes at the innocent yet suggestive touch.

"I dreamed of having a family. Of knowing my parents, and of being able to trust people to be there for me. Of having people who loved me. People who I didn't have to pretend with, people who knew everything about me and were okay with it. I dreamed of having someone who would put me first, because no one ever really had. Someone I could trust to never leave me." Emma stroked her fingers over his cheek. "So yeah, I kinda did picture this."

"Emma..." His voice was a breathless whisper at the vulnerability in her voice at the last sentence, and he didn't know what else to say to her description of her life now.

"You asked about Ingrid." She said softly after another long moment of silence. "And I'll tell you about the end, but she... she gave me back my memories. Of how I knew her, when I was young. Can I tell you about the happy parts first?"

"You can tell me whatever you wish, love."

And so she began to tell him the happy parts, all the good memories before the scary one at the end, before the one she admitted it was probably good she hadn't remembered, or it would have only made her walls that much thicker.

She clutched him as she reached the events of six weeks ago, as she told him of Ingrid's sacrifice in the end, as she spoke of her realization that her actions had made her into the monster everyone had always feared she was.

She wasn't embarrassed when she started crying into his chest, his fingers trailing soothingly up her spine as she allowed herself to let the pain out. He didn't speak, only stroked her softly, his presence comforting her in a way words couldn't have.

They didn't move even once she was done crying, simply cuddled together comfortingly, until the sound of the door opening caused them both to turn towards it.

"Well, it's official, school starts again in two days." Mary Margaret was speaking even as she entered, Neal strapped to her chest. She froze at the sight of them, and Emma only had a second to realize what she must look like before her mother's face adopted a look of serious concern and she rushed over, "What's wrong, what happened?"

"Nothing's wrong." Emma said softly, "We were just, um, talking about the past." She brushed at her cheeks in annoyance, trying to get rid of any trace of tears.

"I can take Neal for a walk..."

Emma smiled at her mother's offer, but shook her head. "No, we were supposed to leave for lunch almost an hour ago, and I'm starving. And I got a nap in earlier, you must be exhausted."

"He's usually so good, too." Snow said softly, pulling Neal out of the carrier on her chest and passing him to Emma while she unstrapped herself from it. He was out like a light now, of course. "I'll try to take a nap while he's down."

Emma nodded, crossing to put her brother into his crib. "So, pirate, lunch?"

Killian nodded, and the two of them headed out after saying their goodbyes.

"That was only forty minutes, lass." Killian murmured with a smirk as they headed down the stairs.

"I kinda did mean what I said earlier, that it was crazy that we were counting." Emma said softly, pausing on the landing so that she could face him. "I offered the hours and I won't take it back, but, but I don't think we need to count, I think we'll both just know when..."

"When it's time for the fun to really begin?" Killian smirked, heat flashing into his eyes.

"I'd say the last six weeks have been pretty fun." Emma countered with a smirk, letting him see the teasing in her eyes. "And like you said, there is something to be said for anticipation."

"Indeed, love." He dropped a kiss on her forehead and they continued on to Granny's. "And it will be worth the wait."

"Oh, I'm counting on it."

TBC...


	6. 6

Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Once Upon A Time. ABC, Disney,A&amp;E, and whoever else have that distinction. No profit is being made, and no copywrite infringement in intended. "Dust to Dust," where the title and several chapter quotes come from, belongs to the Civil Wars, and is just a perfectly amazing CS song.

AN: Thanks as always for the reviews and favorites, you guys are the best! Another scene that basically wrote itself, because these two just have the potential for so many adorable getting-closer moments like this, and I'm sad that we don't get to see them. But the advances in their relationship, and the deepening of it, has been very clear this second half season, and I'm fascinated by exploring how that might have come about. Opinions are welcome as always, as are suggestions for what other moments I should explore. Enjoy!

* * *

You've Been Lonely Too Long

by Lady Callista

Chapter 6:

"What was our first kiss?"

Killian's head snapped towards her at the sudden question that came out of nowhere. They were on their way back from dinner, later than normal since her parents had been late, and they had no plans for the remainder of the night but to curl up together and shut out the rest of the world. Now that Ursula and Cruella were in town, it might be the last night of peace that they would have for a while.

Emma believed in giving people a second chance, and of course anyone deserved one...but she also believed the odds of the two women not being up to something evil were pretty damn low. For once she wouldn't have been minded being proven wrong.

"What makes you ask that, love?" Killian asked softly as she parked in front of the diner.

"Ruby was teasing me yesterday, and I realized there are three different answers. One doesn't really work cause it's, well..."

Killian tilted his head thoughtfully as she trailed off, and it only took him a moment to realize what three kisses she meant. He tried to cover the flare of guilt the one she was speaking of brought up, and joked, "While you attempting to take advantage of my drunken self did technically happen first in my life, I have no memory of it and it was not a first for you."

Emma laughed loudly. "Take advantage of you? You practically dragged me out of the bar..." She hurried to explain when she saw the shame flash into his eyes, "Killian, no, I don't mean...I know you were worried because of how you used to be, but Killian, he didn't... _you_ didn't hurt me. He very huskily insisted, and pulled me up against his side. He didn't drag me from the pub, he made it clear he was leaving and wanted me to come with him, but that if I said no he would find someone else. Obviously I had to stay with him..."

"Did you _want_ to go with him?" He managed to keep his voice soft despite the whirlpool of emotions swirling through him. He couldn't decide which answer he wanted, or even exactly what he meant by the question, but all the jealousy and shame and darker things he didn't even want to think about were trickling thorough him as he remembered watching her kissing and embracing his villainous past self.

Emma had been moving to unsnap her seat-belt, but she froze at the conflicted tone in his voice. She understood it was more than one questions, she saw the layers and knew the question was way more complex than it seemed. Every instinct in her screamed to shy away from the intimacy. But those instincts fell silent one by one as she stared into his too-deep eyes, seeing how important this was to him. She wasn't sure why, but the intensity made her discard the excuses until only one was left. She knew he would see though it, but it was both the simplest answer and the truth, so far as it went. "No, because my job was to keep him at the bar. But when I couldn't make him stay, I knew I had to go with him."

Killian smiled softly, having anticipated she would try to use the easy truth. He also saw in her eyes that she had known he would know, but that she was delaying because she wasn't sure if she wanted to answer the question or not. So he decided to give her a moment to think. "We should finish this conversation inside." His voice was gentle, but the tone in it was clear. He wasn't dropping it, but he was giving her space to breath.

She nodded gratefully and offered him a small smile. "It's way more complicated than this, and I might have to work some of it out as we talk, but..." Emma let the heat and desire fill her eyes, and saw his own darken in response. "If I was just a girl in a bar, if I didn't know him, you... if there wasn't a plan, then yes. If it had been only..._how did he say it_...two ships passing in the night, then yes."

Killian's eyes flashed with heat as he grinned at her. "I knew you wanted me for my body, Swan."

Emma's eyes widened almost comically for an instant, the modern phrase surprising her even though the flirty tone didn't. She knew the teasing tone in his voice, it was the one he used when he knew things were getting too serious for her. But for once she didn't want to step away, she just needed a moment. She lowered her eyes from his, her mind helpfully supplying her with an image of the first time she'd seen him shirtless, and she pulled her hand from his to lay it over her own heart, whispering, "I might be broken, Killian, but I'm not stupid. If it didn't matter..."

She trailed off, but he understood what she was saying and whispered, "Aye, but it's different, when it matters. When you hope it shall be more than a one time thing."

Emma's breath caught as his words brought the memory of Neverland slamming back into her mind, and how she'd thrown aside all reason and given in to the desire to kiss him senseless. "In Neverland, that was our first kiss, really. But..."

"No, love." Killian understood why she was debating between the two remaining options, but the answer was clear in his mind. "In Neverland, it was a dare, a challenge. A release of tension, and perhaps a bit of satisfying curiosity. It could be brushed away, attributed to stress or lack of sleep or frustration. Which is more or less what you did, which is not an accusation, just the truth."

"I just had so much on my mind, with Henry, and then Neal was back and..."

"I said it wasn't an accusation, love." Killian interrupted, "I understood, I just wanted you to know why I don't consider that our first kiss. Our first kiss was that night out on the patio, when you lowered your walls for a moment and kissed me simply because you wanted to. When you first called me by my name, and truly gave _us_ a chance."

"That's kind of what I think, too." Emma said softly. "And yeah, let's go inside. Because I really want to kiss you right now, but I don't wanna make out in the car like a teenager."

His eyes glittered dangerously as he leaned towards her, but her eyes flashed a warning. His smirk grew, but he only kissed her softly on the cheek before leaning back, unbuckling his seat-belt and getting out of the car.

She released her own sea-tbelt, hand moving to the handle of the door before she stopped herself, releasing the handle and waiting for him to come around the car. He had never said anything, but she knew it bothered him, at least slightly, that she had to drive them for any dates where they couldn't just walk. He never said anything when she opened her own doors either, but she knew he liked doing it. The same way he liked holding her chair, or helping her with her coat, or a dozen other things that surprisingly seemed second nature to him.

It had nothing to do with him viewing women as the weaker or less capable sex; he'd nearly laughed himself silly weeks ago when she told him that was an issue in this world. When he'd finished laughing, he'd commented that they obviously didn't know the same women he did. Then his eyes had gone soft, and his face serious, as he spoke gently.

_"I obviously know you're capable of anything love, let alone opening doors or pulling out your own chair. But it's how I was taught to treat a lady, especially if she was special to me. It's not about thinking you're less, quite the opposite in fact. It's about showing you you're cherished."_

Her heart had melted, and while she still didn't let him do things like that all the time, partially just because she wasn't used to it and was often out the door before she remembered, it cost her nothing, and it made him happy. And he was right, it did made her feel special and cherished.

There was also one distinct advantage, other than the tingles in her stomach that happened every damn time he did it.

Killian clasped her hand lightly after openning the door, knowing she didn't need help but obviously pleased that she was allowing him to treat her like a lady. He brought her hand to his lips, ghosting over her knuckles before trailing warm, brief kisses down her fingers. Then he placed her hand over his heart and leaned down and brushed a whisper of a kiss across her lips.

Yup, that was definitely an advantage.

OoOoOoOoOoO

"I can feel how tense you are, love." Kilian said softly, his hand sliding up and down her back lightly, encouraging her to cuddle more into him. He lay on his back on his bed at Granny's, Emma curled into his side with her head over his heart. She'd been silent since they came up here, and he worried that somehow his probing question had brought up things he hadn't intended. "Remember, even during an hour you don't have to tell me everything in that lovely head of yours."

"It's not that, it's just... there are so many ways to look at that question." Emma said softly, her hand sliding up to play with the charms on his necklace. "I answered the easy one. If you were just a hot, sexy stranger looking for a night of fun, I would have said yes."

Killian chucked. "Hot and sexy? I never knew you found me so."

Emma smacked him on the arm. "I thought we said no more lies. Killian, you know you're sexy, you use it to your advantage all the time. I don't need your ego to get any bigger."

"A man likes to know he's appreciated, love."

His tone was joking, but Emma knew him well enough to hear the hint of insecurity and doubt. She'd pushed him away for so long she couldn't even really blame him. "I do appreciate you, Killian, and not just because you're hot as hell." She grinned at him, knowing the teasing would relax him before she added softly, "I'm sorry that I'm not good at showing it, but..."

"You're not running." Killian interrupted softly, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. "You forgave me. You're letting me in, letting me know the real you. You trust me and care about me. I'd say you're pretty good at showing it. I never meant for you to think otherwise, it's just... it's been a very long time since someone knew me as you do. And I still have difficulty believing that, knowing me as you do, someone like you could want me."

"Killian..." Emma breathed, raising herself up at the raw and pained honesty in his voice, needing to see his face. "It's because you let me get to know you. Because you let me see what a good man you are. And yeah, you've made mistakes, you've done bad stuff, but hasn't everyone?"

"Some bad things are worse than others." He offered.

"When you were telling me about your brother, about Neverland, you said you called it a hero's quest." Emma smiled softly, "Whatever happened in the middle can be forgiven, Killian, because you're back on track. You shouldn't be thinking about the past, especially not today. We got the fairies out of the hat, they'll help us get anyone else out...well, anyone good." Emma corrected herself, thinking of the winged demon that had come out along with the fairies. "The heroes won today, and you're one of them."

"I'm trying to be." Killian whispered, moving on before she could push it. Especially with Ursula back in town. Though he had carefully avoided her seeing him, he knew that eventually she would learn he was in town, and with Emma. And that was one shameful secret he wasn't sure he was ready to share yet. "And we keep deviating from my original question."

_Did you _want _to go with him?_

Emma took a deep breath, laying back down on his chest. She smiled softly as his arms tightened comfortingly, then let her breath out on a sigh when he gently began to massage the back of her neck. "I already said yes, if it didn't matter. But even though he didn't know me, I knew him. I knew the man under the pirate, I... I knew him and wanted him. And it would have been so much simpler, to have there be no consequences, to not worry about the feelings and how broken we both are. So yes, I wanted to go with him, to just let it be physical. Except it wouldn't have been."

Killian's breath caught as he barely heard the last sentence, her voice had gone so quiet. He slid his hand through her hair lovingly before moving it to the side so he could continue massaging down her back. "It would have been for him, although that's one of the reasons he didn't deserve you. You're too special to be taken that casually, love."

This time it was Emma's breath who caught, Emma who felt the wave of disbelief flow through her. She didn't know if she would ever get used to the way he spoke, the way he could be so sincere and open as he took every opportunity to remind her of his devotion, of his feelings. The ones she couldn't let him voice yet, but knew all the same. A wave of something she didn't want to examine too closely flowed through her, and she raised up to look into his eyes again as she whispered, "He might not have deserved me, Killian, but you do. At least I think so, and it's my opinion that matters here."

The corners of his mouth twitched at the mock-seriousness of her voice, saying softly, "You were the first person in a very long time whose opinion did matter to me. And no one's has ever mattered more."

"Your opinion of me, your belief in me... Killian, you helped me find my magic again. You helped me find my home. And then you did it again. You've never given up on me, because you believe I'm worth it. And my opinion... Killian, I know you're worth it too." Emma watched the conflicting emotions flowing through the deep depths of his eyes, willing him to see the truth she was giving him.

He didn't answer her with words, but with a a kiss so deep and long that she completely lost herself in it and in him.

Her mind was still drifting in bliss, heat flooding through her, when she felt him shift, still kissing her wickedly. They ended up side by side on the bed, facing each other, legs tangling together as her hands fisted in the back of his shirt, as his hand slid to the swell just above her ass, as they erased the last whisper of space between their bodies.

She felt his hesitation as he started to roll them further, as he started to roll her underneath him, and knew he was conflicted between not pushing her and between what she had said the other week, that she liked it when he showed her how much he wanted her. Not wanting to break the mood, and making sure to keep her voice teasing, Emma husked, "I thought you knew what to do with a woman on her back, Hook."

Killian broke the kiss with a dark groan, "We've 5 hours to go before I can prove that to you, love." Yet her tone of voice, and the very fact that she had -deliberately, he was certain- reverted to calling him Hook, was the approval and permission he needed to roll until she was beneath him.

Emma moaned as his body covered hers, at the comforting weight and heat along with the scent of him swirling through her. "Do you remember the other week, when you asked me to explain about basketball?"

Killian stilled, pulling back from the kiss he was going to begin and pushing himself up onto his forearms, blinking at her in confusion at the sudden question. Yet as he always did he simply went along with her, "Aye, love."

"Has anyone ever told you about baseball?"

His head tilted as his confusion deepened, yet he considered the question seriously, going back through what both Emma and other people had taught him about her world. "I don't believe so."

Emma smirked as her eyes darkened, and she slid her hands up his arms, fingers caressing biceps honed by centuries of working a ship before she slid them to the buttons of his shirt and slowly undid the top one, well the top one that wasn't already undone. "It may be five hours until that home run, but that doesn't mean we have to stay on first base."

Killian's gasp turned into a moan as her fingers slid over his chest, scratching lightly and setting every nerve in his body on fire. He tried to process her words, but had no idea what she was talking about. It didn't help that she was literally destroying his ability to think clearly at the moment. "First base." He managed to murmur even as his hand slid down to her cheek, tracing over her like she was the most fragile treasure, before he kissed her softly.

She grinned as he unknowingly got it right. "I think it's time to round second, pirate."

"Will you tell me what you're saying instead of being purposely mysterious?" He murmured into her ear as he began to trail kisses down her neck.

Emma's fingers slid from his chest around his back, still under his unbuttoned shirt and he could swear he felt sparks left by their passing.

"Oh, it'll be so much more fun to show you."

She felt him smirk against her skin, and his mouth returned to her ear to whisper huskily, "I do so like it when you show me new things."

TBC...


	7. 7

Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Once Upon A Time. ABC, Disney,A&amp;E, and whoever else have that distinction. No profit is being made, and no copywrite infringement in intended. "Dust to Dust," where the title and several chapter quotes come from, belongs to the Civil Wars, and is just a perfectly amazing CS song.

AN: Thanks as always for all the wonderful reviews, you guys really make my day! Here's the next part, which is actually two adorable short scenes. There might be too many feels here. I'm really not sorry. The first part takes place after 4x13 Unforgiven, second part during 4x15 Poor Unfortunate Soul.

* * *

You've Been Lonely Too Long

by Lady Callista

_OoOoOoO_

_"Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to."_

_OoOoOoO_

Chapter 7:

"We'll worry about it in the morning, love, there's nothing we can do now." Killian soothed softly as they stopped outside Granny's, turning to face each other, hands still linked.

"But it's Maleficent!" Emma moaned, memories of dragon fire flitting through her head. Memories of being armed only with her father's sword, which she didn't really even know how to use.

"In the morning, Emma." Killian said softly, the look in his eyes gentle. "We knew this was coming, we knew peace wouldn't reign over this fair town forever."

"I just wanted five more hours." Emma whispered. "Well, five and then..."

Killian chuckled, realizing at once what she meant. "It was your idea to wait, love. And I'll admit I enjoy knowing that we have that time. Knowing I'm allowed to kiss you, and touch you, but that there is still more, always more to come. Although I think that will never change." His voice grew deeper, more intimate, and Emma found herself leaning in almost unconsciously. "The anticipation, the thrill, knowing we have time to deepen what is between our hearts, knowing that we grow closer each _hour_, understand each other more, are more willing to lower our walls..."

"We haven't lowered them all." Emma cut him off, softly but with a slight bite to her voice.

He flinched at the reference to Ursula, and what they had spoken of less than an hour ago at the station. He'd seen the truth in her eyes, the understanding, when she'd said it was okay that he wasn't ready to tell her yet. But it was actually the first time since they'd started the ten hours that one of them had refused to speak of something. She wouldn't be human if it still didn't bother her slightly, and he wished he could alleviate that worry.

Yet he was barely controlling the feelings from just remembering, he simply couldn't speak of it, of one of the acts that in all his long life he was still the most ashamed of. Still, he reassured her as much as he could, "I told you I didn't break her heart, Emma. There was never anything romantic about our association. And I didn't... I didn't kill or hurt anyone she loves. It's just..."

"It really is alright, Killian." Emma replied, the bite completely gone from her voice when she cut him off this time. She was the one who had wanted the proviso about not having to answer, she couldn't blame him for using it. Especially after he volunteered to be included. And he had now told her not just one, but two very important things about Ursula and his relationship. The two most popular reasons for the scorn she had heard in Ursula's voice when she addressed Killian were not the reasons in this case. "You promised to tell me things I need to know, and I trust you. If something about that past is going to bite us on the ass, or if it causes you to suspect something now, I trust that you'll tell me. If you're going to do something based on your association, I trust that you'll tell me. What happened in the past can wait."

"You really are bloody amazing, love." Killian whispered after a long silence, the awe in his voice sending a jolt of heat through her body.

"So are you." Her voice was barely a whisper, and she had no idea which of them closed the final gap between their faces, kissing gently and sweetly.

A wolf-whistle broke them apart, Emma flushing slightly as Ruby stuck her head out the door of the diner. "Just thought you should know, half the diner have their noses to the window."

Killian chuckled even as his hand and hook slid away from her hips, but Emma could read his slight discomfort in how the hand immediately went up to scratch behind his ear. She mentally reminded herself to teach him poker and see if that tell appeared there as well. "Half the diner should mind their own business." Emma stage-whispered back, but even through the slight embarrassment her grin was obvious in her voice.

"You're the Savior, Emma. And a princess dating a pirate. Hate to tell you, honey, but the days of people not being interested are long gone." Ruby quipped, closing the door before Emma could retort.

"Well, I suppose that's my cue to say goodnight." Killian said softly, drawing her attention back to him and the small smile on his face, something flirting through his eyes she didn't understand.

"What?" She tilted her head, knowing he would know exactly what she was asking.

He shook his head, although his voice deepened again even as he murmured, "I want to kiss you more, and hold you, but I don't want everyone watching. And if you come upstairs with me now, they will think that..."

Emma chuckled. "Killian, I don't care what they think. I haven't exactly been hiding it the other times I've gone to your room. And I didn't think people watching or assuming would bother you."

His eyes heated and he leaned down to kiss her lightly, a chaste brush of lips that made her want to chase his mouth. She started to, until his hand came up to cup her cheek and draw her slightly back. "Under most circumstances it does not, but... but I find everything is different with you."

He'd shifted them slightly as he spoke, and she didn't register why until she saw that his back was now to the windows, hiding both his face her and her own from anyone inside. The vulnerability in his voice at the end matched the look in his eyes, and she understood at once both what he was saying and why he had turned them.

It wasn't someone seeing them kissing that bothered him, or even people assuming they were sleeping together when they weren't. It was someone else seeing the look in his eyes that he didn't want; someone seeing the tenderness and vulnerability they showed each other that they didn't trust to anyone else. And she knew that it went way deeper than just his image.

She normally didn't feel the need to use words, in fact often felt she was horrible with them when compared to his eloquence, but for some reason she felt compelled to let him know that she understood this time. That in the same way he always read her like an open book, she could read him the same way. "The look in your eyes right now, it should scare me so much. But it doesn't. It should make me run, but I love that you don't look at anyone else like you do at me. You... you just let me see all of you, and I value that so much."

His grin flashed, heat and devotion and desire swirling into his eyes, and he reached out to take her hand in his gently. "You struggled so to let me in, love, and I give thanks every day that I've earned your trust and your affection. You let me in, Emma, you let me see all those things you hide from everyone else. Which means I'll help you to keep them hidden; I'll protect and honor what you've trusted me with."

"I know." Emma's voice was barely a whisper. "That's why I could trust you with them."

Killian smiled, releasing her hand and bringing his fingers up to play with the ends of her hair, his eyes twinkling when her breath hitched as the backs of his knuckles brushed lightly over her breasts. But his voice was serious when he continued softly, "I know what it is to be a leader, and to have to always be seen as strong and in control, and how exhausting that can be. And I know what it means to have someone you can just be yourself with. Just Killian and Emma, no titles or monikers or masks. Just us."

"Just us." Emma whispered softly. "I spent all day worrying, about you, about my parents, about Ursula and Cruella. Now there's Maleficent too. I'm exhausted, and I don't want to think, but I know that's all I'll do if I go home. I want one more night of just us, just talking and cuddling and forgetting about everything else. But I don't know if I can deal with the deep stuff tonight."

"I would also rather not think of it, and your presence would certainly be welcome." Killian said softly, turning towards the back door and tugging her along. She went without resistance. He opened the door for her, hand going to the small of her back as she passed, and he said softly, "We can still count it as an hour, lass. Getting to know each other doesn't have to mean sharing our deepest secrets and feelings."

Emma grinned at him, and at the twinkle in his eyes. They both wanted the hours to be over, but also acknowledged that they had been a good idea.

"So, pirate, boxers or briefs?" Emma forced everything else into the back of her mind, telling herself she was going to enjoy one last night of peace.

"I don't understand the question." Killian said softly as they headed up the stairs.

Which pretty much answered it, Emma realized, because if he'd bought either one he would know what they were. "Commando. Figures." And another flood of heat went through her as her mind helpfully supplied her with fantasies of what that might look like.

"Love?" He turned to her, his face questioning, eyebrow twitching when he took in her blush.

"Never mind."

He smirked at her attempt at evasion, and at the obvious embarrassment in her voice, and his voice turned teasing, "You know you won't get out of it that easily, don't you Swan?"

Her groan echoed down the hallway as the door closed softly behind them.

* * *

_I'm gonna return her happy ending. _

_Can you really do that? _

_Aye. Because I'm the one who took it from her in the first place._

Emma stood frozen in place for long seconds after he had turned and left. The mix of shame and pain in his eyes tore at her heart, and she wanted to go after him but knew they didn't have the time. They had to find where August was being held, and Gold was back in town and had the dagger and... Gold was back in town and Killian was leaving her side...

"Give me a minute." Emma said to her parents even as she followed him out the door and into the hallway. "Killian - wait!"

He paused in the act of opening the station door and turned back to her. "Swan?"

"I...uh..." Emma stammered as she approached him, and Killian misunderstood her hesitation.

"I'll tell you the story, love. I promised that when it became important I would tell you. But we haven't the time now, and..." Killian said at once.

"No, it's... it's not that." Emma whispered, nightmare images of his heart in Gold's hand flashing through her mind and causing her hand to tremble slightly as she raised it to rest on his chest.

"Emma?" Killian's voice softened in concern, his hand and hook coming to rest on her hips. "You've thought of something. What's wrong?"

"What isn't?" She chuckled mirthlessly, leaning in for a moment to rest her head on his shoulder, loving the way his arms slid around her back, holding her close, fingers trailing soothingly through her hair as he loved to do. Reminding her that he was there, and that he would always come back to her. Always fight for her. Keep her safe and reaffirm her strength. Support and help her no matter what it cost him.

The fact that she wasn't sure how she would get through the constant insanity that her life had become without him was something she had almost stopped worrying about.

"Much as I hate it, we haven't the time, love. Tell me what's worrying that lovely head of yours." He murmured in her ear, sliding his hand up her back and massaging her neck softly, hating the hard knots of stress he found there and promising himself he would pay them more attention when they had time.

"Gold is back." She whispered.

"Aye, and we'll stop his scheming as we always do."

"I know, but he's running around impersonating you, and dammit I want to think I would notice, I know you better than Belle, but..." Emma heard the edge of panic in her voice, hating it, but she still had the occasional nightmare of Gold crushing Killian's heart; of being frozen, unable to even run to him, or hold him, or maybe save him... unable to even cry as yet another person who held part of her heart died before her eyes. "But he has his dagger again, and the last time he had that he... he took your... and I didn't notice that, and..."

"Shhhh." Killian hushed, pulling her more tightly against him, his head turning to rest his cheek against her hair as her arms slid around him. He knew she would never admit it, but she clung.

Killian forgot about the ticking clock as he held her, unable to help the slight hint of wonder that still went through him every time she turned to him like this. Every time she showed just how much she trusted him. He knew they didn't have the time, yet wouldn't have moved for the world.

All too soon she remembered that this quiet moment was stealing time from urgent matters, pulling away from him with a kiss brushed against his neck that caused him to shiver.

He cupped her cheek gently, kissing her on the forehead, as he said softly, "Every time we meet, or speak, I'll greet you with the word princess. If I don't, it's either not me, or I'm being controlled."

Emma smacked him on the arm at the casual sentence. "Don't say that. Don't just not worry about the fact that Gold is out there and he could take your heart again. That's... that's why I came out here. I asked Regina to teach me a spell the other week, just in case, one Henry told me she did on him. It'll make it so that no one can take your heart."

Killian grinned at the uncharacteristic hesitation in her voice, amazed that it seemed she thought he would have a problem with this. "Emma." He murmured her name huskily, reaching for her hand and placing it over his heart. "I told you it was yours when I put it in your hand in the clock-tower; I told you it was already where it belonged, in your hand, before you returned it to me. Do as you wish."

Emma's blush deepened, ever since he had watched The Princess Bride with her and her parents he had been sneaking that phrase in whenever he could, completely unapologetically. Because he always smirked when he did it now, she could take it as a joke and not panic, yet it allowed him to come as close to saying the words without actually saying them as was possible. It was one of many strange compromises that worked out completely perfectly for them.

Emma leaned in to kiss him softly, reaching deep down into herself, to that place where she always felt her power now, and pulled it up to focus on his heart. Regina had explained to her that it wasn't so much a matter of specific words, but intent and willpower and focus, and Emma had all three of those in spades if it meant she never again had to worry about seeing his heart outside of his chest. She felt her hand heat a second before the power rushed out of her, and they simultaneously broke the kiss to gasp.

"Thank you, love." Killian brushed his lips over hers softly before pulling back. "I'll let you know how things go with Ursula."

"Be careful." Emma said softly, because even though she didn't know the story between him and Ursula, she knew he was putting himself in at least some danger by going to her.

_Always am_ was the flippant reply that came into his head, but instead of voicing it Killian smiled reassuringly. "I will be, you do the same."

Emma nodded. "Gold can't take my heart, but he can probably impersonate anyone." Trying to keep her voice light, to hide how worried she really was about this new development, Emma teased, "You're going to call me princess, what should I call you?"

_Captain Hand?_

She saw the memory echo in his eyes even as she remembered it as well, and was grateful when his eyes sparkled, as he went along with her change of mood and gave her a devilish smirk. "How about simply captain?"

Emma smirked at the challenge in his eyes, feeling her own heat in return. "Only if it means I get to meet _the captain _someday."

"Bloody hell, lass." Killian groaned, his body swaying into hers as he pulled her in for a hard, passionate kiss. He ended it as quickly as it had begun, but despite its briefness the intensity still left Emma gasping for breath. She saw his eyes shift down the hallway, she knew he was still slightly wary after her parents listening in on them the other day. He lowered his voice, nipping at her earlobe before murmuring huskily in her ear, his warm breath causing her to shiver, "Not the first time, because the first time will be _making love _and the captain didn't do that."

"Killian..." His fingers slid up to touch her lips, and she stopped speaking even as she kissed them gently. Which, Emma realized, was probably a good thing, as she really had no idea what to say to that. Because she knew he was right, well about the first part at least, and she trusted him on the second. After all, she hadn't _made love _since Neal.

"We'll speak of it later, love, and I've not said no by any means. But it's not a simple matter of yes or no, and we'll discuss it after we've solved the disaster of the day."

Emma nodded, knowing he was right. "I really miss that six weeks of peace and quiet."

Killian grinned, and she could see that at least part of it was sincere and not merely an attempt to reassure her. He kissed her, one cheek, then the other, before brushing his lips ever so lightly over hers. "You know we'd have been bored if it went on too much longer. As enjoyable as it is from time to time, neither of us it made to sit around watching endless hours of moving pictures."

Emma grinned back, as he had intended. "You've liked most of the movies I've shown you."

"Your lad is less than subtle when probing for information on what I may be interested in. And you certainly know a great deal about that, as well." Killian allowed. "But yes, I have. Still though, I fail to understand how you could spend so much time just sitting around watching stories. It's watching another's life instead of living your own."

"Before Henry found me, before I came to Storybrooke, there wasn't a whole lot about my life that was worth living." Emma admitted softly. "You know what life is like when you have no one to share it with."

"I hope neither of us ever knows that feeling again."

"Me too." Emma whispered, before taking a deep breath and giving herself an internal shake. "Okay, we'll work on a plan to rescue August, you see what you can find out from Ursula. Call me with anything important."

"Aye, princess." He gave her one last smirk before turning and leaving the station.

"Be careful, captain." Emma whispered, staring at the closed door for a long moment before giving herself another shake and turned back towards her office, where she could hear her parents planning how to rescue August. She said a quick prayer to whatever powers might be listening that everyone she cared about would be safe at the end of the day.

Bottling the worry and the fear and the doubt, Emma closed her eyes briefly, remembering the feelings of strength and calm she had felt when he held her a moment ago. He had survived for over two centuries, and she had to believe he would get through this as well. His heart was protected now at least, a huge worry off her mind and the most important thing she could have done. She took a few deep breaths, then capped the bottles on all her emotions and went in to help her parents plan.

TBC...


	8. 8

Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Once Upon A Time. ABC, Disney,A&amp;E, and whoever else have that distinction. No profit is being made, and no copywrite infringement in intended. "Dust to Dust," where the title and several chapter quotes come from, belongs to the Civil Wars, and is just a perfectly amazing CS song.

AN: Starts after the end of Heart of Gold, more explanations at the end. Sorry this took so long to get out, I never have a gap like this, but I've been rewriting and reworking this story like crazy because after the finale I just couldn't do what I had originally planned. Which was keep this cannon. I was waiting, desperately, for a cannon reference to them sleeping together, cause it seriously just had to have happened. Since it didn't, well, screw that, I'll now decide for myself when and how. I want to keep this story T rated, as I know some readers aren't into smut, yet I really feel like writing some, so look for "Here With Me," the "continuation" of this story sometime next week. Set your filters to M. In the meantime, please enjoy the end of this story. Reviews are appreciated as always.

* * *

You've Been Lonely Too Long

by Lady Callista

_OoOoOoO_

_"You'll never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."_

_OoOoOoO_

Chapter 8:

"We have to keep looking!" Emma insisted, flashlight cutting through the darkness as she turned it in every direction, looking for a glimpse of something, anything.

"We'll never find him tonight, Emma, and we won't be of use to anyone exhausted." Snow offered softly, flinching at the hard look Emma sent her way but standing firm. "You've been up for more than 30 hours!"

"Are you sure you want to find him?" Emma snapped.

"Love." Killian's voice was soft as he moved in front of her, "We can stumble around in the darkness trying to find him, or we can rest for a few hours and start again at sunrise, when we have a chance of succeeding."

"But..."

Killian took her hand, thumb caressing over her wrist. "It's like Neverland, Emma. We know every moment we delay could make the situation worse, but if we're not rested our own strength will fail when we need it most."

"But if Gold finds him first..."

"For all we know he already has." Killian whispered what no one else wanted to voice. "If so, stumbling around in the dark becomes even more pointless. We'll find him, love, we'll fix this as we always do. But even the savior needs sleep."

She opened her mouth to protest again, even knowing he was right, but he said her name softly and she let the protest die without being voiced. She saw the understanding in his eyes, the knowledge that sleep would not come easily this night if it came at all. He knew what it was to use a goal to distract yourself from everything else, knew how she focused on what she could deal with when the emotional turmoil was too much.

_Don't you know, Emma? It's you._

They hadn't been alone since that moment, not with time to actually talk about anything other than the current crisis. Well, aside from her reassuring him about August before the damn sleeping spell.

But it wasn't just his revelation, the one that made her feel warm inside beyond the slight tendril of panic, that she had been using this crisis to avoid thinking about, it was the one from her parents as well. The one that had shattered her trust in them, the one that had made her question everything.

She'd been grateful when Killian found her at the docks earlier in the night, breaking the downward spiral her thoughts had been on and giving her something to do.

She knew he was right, they'd been searching for hours now without even a hint of finding the damn author, and she could feel the exhaustion of the past overly long day down to her very bones. But she knew her mind wouldn't allow her to sleep, and she couldn't face going back to the loft with her parents, who would want to talk more, and try to justify what they had done. At the moment Emma just knew she couldn't deal with that.

Still looking into Killian's understanding eyes, knowing he was right but wouldn't push -would stay out here all night with her if she only asked- she squeezed his hand even as she turned her head just enough to make it clear she was addressing her parents, "We'll meet at sunrise, at the last place we're sure we had the trail."

"Emma..."

"Don't." Emma snapped at her father, feeling the exhaustion that was so much more than just physical creeping through her. "Just don't." Her voice was soft the second time, but even more final. And without releasing Killian's hand she started to backtrack towards town, grateful when her parents didn't follow.

"What do you need right now?" Killian had let the silence hold until they reached the edge of the woods, his heart aching for her and the pain her parents had caused. His heart screamed at him to comfort her, to do whatever he could to ease her pain, and for once he wasn't entirely sure the best way to do that.

"I need to find the author before Gold does and deal with whatever he has planned."

"We will, love." Killian said softly, "But you know that's not my meaning."

"I need my parents to not have done what they did." Emma whispered, tilting her head to rest it briefly on his shoulder even as they continued to walk slowly back towards town.

"Everyone makes mis..."

"Don't." Emma whispered, her hand squeezing his. "I can't... I can't talk about it yet. I know you want me to, I know..."

"I want to help." Killian interrupted her softly, tugging on her hand until she stopped walking and turned to face him. "You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready, Emma, you know that. But I know... I know how hard it is for you to trust, and I can't help but worry that it's not just your parents you're rebuilding your walls against."

Emma held his eyes, seeing for the first time the fear underneath the concern and sympathetic pain. He was hurting because she was, but she wasn't letting him help her, and she knew him well enough to know that hurt more than anything. "No, Killian, no." She soothed. "I just, I just need to get it straight in my head before I can talk about it and there hasn't been time. I'm not... I'm not pushing you away, and I'm not running, I just..." Emma trailed off as she saw a deep flash of hurt go through his eyes, but it was gone in an instant. "What..."

"It's nothing." Killian said at once, doing his best to bottle his own insecurities, knowing they were the last thing she needed at the moment. She shivered as the wind picked up, and he used the distraction to tuck her against his side as he started moving them towards town again. "Let's get out of the cold."

"Killian, what's wrong."

"As you pointed out earlier, many things are wrong at the moment." Killian said softly, not lying but taking the easy way out.

Emma recognized the evasion tactic at once, after all, she was a master at it. Yet she let it be for now, knowing she needed to be patient the way he always was with her. Although she couldn't help but whisper, fairly certain but needing to be sure, "Just tell me one thing, is this still about August?"

"No, Swan." He answered at once, sincerity clear in his tone. "You told me he's only your friend, and I trust that. I'd never begrudge you a friend, especially one you thought to not see again."

They walked in silence after that, both brooding privately, arms still around each other but thoughts miles away.

"Where are we going?" Emma asked abruptly. She'd been so zoned out she'd just been walking along with him, and only now noticed that he had veered in the direction of the docks rather than Granny's.

Killian chuckled softly. "Not everything that has happened in the past day is bad." He pointed, watching her eyes widen in shock. Even from here, the mast of the Jolly was distinctive.

"How..."

"Ursula." Killian said, a small smile crossing his face. "I've not had a chance to tell you what transpired between us, either long ago or this past day."

"Well, it's not like I'm actually going to be able to sleep."

"We can go to Granny's if you'd rather, it would be more comfortable. I just... I assumed you wouldn't want to go home with your parents, and..." Killian began hesitantly.

"No." Emma cut him off softly. "You gave her up for me, and I doubt you've had more than an hour with her since you got her back. You're the one who helped me find my home, Killian, I'm glad you got yours back."

"She was my home for more years than I care to count, and I'm glad indeed to have her back." Killian said softly as they paused at the foot of the gangplank, and he turned her gently to face him. "But I never regretted the trade, love, you know that. I'd do the exact same thing again."

"I know." She whispered. He'd said it before, and every time there was the ring of truth in the words.

They boarded the Jolly then, and she saw him smile as his boots hit the deck, but he didn't look around, nor did he caress the railing as she'd seen him do in the past. Instead he turned and offered her a hand down. "Welcome aboard, love."

Emma smiled as she took his hand.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

"And now you've heard the worst of what I've done."

"If you hadn't done it, who knows how many more shipwrecks they would have caused." Emma offered neutrally, the first thought that popped into her head even as she tried to digest the long story he had just told her. It sounded wrong even as she said it, especially as Ursula hadn't been to blame, but it really was the first thought she had that was clear enough to articulate. "And if you hadn't kept it, well, angry sea gods and pirates are a bad match."

Killian shook his head, rising from where they'd been sitting side by side on his narrow bunk to pace the room. "You bloody well know that wasn't why I did it, Swan."

"I know." She whispered, dropping her head unto her knees for an instant as she tried to clear her thoughts. At the moment he'd done it, he'd been thinking only of the man... god... even after all she'd accepted over the past years the idea of a god just didn't compute... he'd been thinking only of the man who had just taken away the best shot at getting his revenge he had ever had. He'd wanted only to hurt the man who had hurt him, and after what Ursula had told him of her mother and how singing meant so much to them, it had been obvious how to hurt him the most. Well, short of killing Ursula outright, and she knew that even at that point in his life Killian wouldn't have considered that.

"She was completely innocent." Killian whispered. "She did everything she could to help me, and I did mean to help her, I truly did..."

"And she knew that." Emma replied. "It would have been easier for you to take the first deal with her father, but you defied him to help her. Once he caught you there wasn't anything you could have done."

"I could have just let her go with him." Killian answered. He'd stopped pacing and turned to face her, regret and pain burning in his eyes.

"She still wouldn't have been happy." Emma answered rationally.

"But she would have had a chance at it." He retorted. "They would have had a chance to work things out. I'll admit in retrospect I was glad she couldn't sink any more ships, but maybe she could have defied him. The lass had such spirit and strength, she would have tried again to flee. Maybe been successful. When a woman is that determined to escape, when she's so miserable that she would do anything to find her happiness..."

"She finds a way." Emma answered, knowing he was thinking of more than just Urusla. She had seen the guilt he still harbored over his part of Neal losing his mother, had comforted him over it, and had in fact told him basically the last sentence he'd just said to her, although she'd been speaking of Milah.

"Aye." He held his hand out hesitantly, and she rose at once to take it. "I should have just let her go."

"You should have." Emma agreed, knowing it was simple fact. But things were never simple. "I know how it feels to take away someone's happiness. I know I didn't do it on purpose..." She said rapidly when she saw him about to object, "But I'm still responsible. And I almost did it again." She briefly explained to him about what she and her parents had been willing to do to Elsa's sister's necklace, even knowing she would never find her sister or her happiness without it. And she again saw the objections forming in his eyes. "Again, fine, not exactly the same, but Killian... you're not that person anymore. You made a rash decision in the heat of the moment, and you regretted it. You did everything you could to fix it. And you did."

"It doesn't excuse the original act."

"It makes up for it, though." Emma whispered. "That's all we can do when we make a mistake, is try to fix it. Some mistakes are harder to fix than others..." She heard the anger coming into her voice, and deliberately kept her thoughts from derailing. This was about him, not her current issues with her parents. And the situation was completely different. "But you fixed it. And you got to apologize to Ariel as well. You're a good person, Killian, and everything you do now shows it."

She saw the flash of wonder in his eyes before they fell to the floor and he released her hand to scratch at his ear. She reached up and caught his hand, and the abruptness of the movement brought his startled eyes back to her own.

Emma knew the guilt would take time to go away, but the worst of it vanished from his eyes as she saw him accept, at least partially, what she had said. "You're going to have to learn to take a compliment about something other than your looks." She whispered, holding his eyes, hoping the slight teasing at the end would level them out.

He saw the truth in her eyes, her belief that he really was a good person. And every time he saw it, it was a little easier to believe. He allowed the regret and pain to fade to the background of his thoughts, already noticing that they had lessened. He took the moment and gave her his cockiest grin. "I encourage compliments about myself as a captain. Or as a man."

Emma took a deep breath as the whole mood suddenly shifted. And she truly let it sink in that they were alone on his ship, no nosy parents or werewolf ears in the next room. There were hours before anyone expected them anywhere, and she couldn't think of a single place in any world that she would rather be. She wanted him, and she was ready to trust in that. And in him.

He must have seen the heat in her eyes, for she felt his arms slide around her waist and slid her own up his chest. "Well, I've seen full proof of the first..." She whispered as she leaned closer to him. The heat in his eyes was making it hard for her to think further. She sighed his name as her fingers brushed his cheek. "Why don't you show me the second?"

Emma could feel the fingers on her hip clench, and then he was kissing her as if their lives depended on it. She melted into him, hands weaving into his hair as she felt his fingers slide under the back of her shirt, teasing up and down her spine.

The kiss started deep and hard, a contrast to the gentle fingers sending shivers up her spine, and then his left arm was around her waist, lifting her just enough to spin them and press her back against the wall. She felt the fire flash through her body as he stepped into her, pinning her to the wall from chest to hips as his leg slipped between hers. And then his hand was on the back of her neck, tilting her head to deepen the kiss further, their tongues sliding together even as his hand began a pattern of squeezing and releasing her nape that made her knees start to shake.

There was no panic, no fear, just the scent and heat of him wrapping her around her, making her feel safer and happier than she had ever been in her life. He would never abandon her, never betray her, and her heart and her head were both finally in agreement about trusting him with everything. Her last thought before her mind was wiped clean with desire was that while she really had appreciated him letting her take the lead all the time, this was how she wanted him. At least the first time.

"Gods, I want you." He husked as he finally broke the kiss, trying to pull himself back, knowing they had discussed maybe not waiting until the end of the hours they had set aside, but at the same time not wanting to push her. The past twenty-four hours had been just as emotionally and physically draining as the last time they had been this close, and while he didn't have the feeling of wrongness now that he had then, they'd been waiting for the ten hours to pass for so long now that it didn't seem right to suddenly not wait. "How many hours until dawn?"

"Less than four." She whispered, following his train of thought. They had four of her ten hours of _truth or silence _left, but... "But I don't think that matters anymore."

"Emma, I know we talked about it, but..."

"I think it's time to stop talking." She rose on her tiptoes, breathing the words into his ear before trailing light kisses down his neck.

Again he was the one to pull back. "You're sure this isn't about anything but us?"

"Just us." Emma whispered, taking his hand to lead him back to his bed. "You know I appreciate how patient you've been with me, and I don't just mean about... uh..."

"Making love?" His voice was a low chuckle, but he resisted her attempt at moving them, keeping her pinned lightly against the wall, his fingers coming up to play with her hair.

Emma blushed, ducking her head down to rest on his shoulder. She'd been going to say about having sex, but had stopped herself because they both knew it would be more than that. But for some reason she'd been hesitant to say the words that flowed so easily from his lips, even though he'd used them once before and they both knew the truth of them. "It's just, most guys wouldn't..."

"You know better than to compare me to others." He whispered. "Most haven't lived over a century alone. Or had a year to ponder what could have been, if only they'd had more time. Every day spent with you is precious, love, no matter what we are, or aren't, doing."

The complete openness in his voice made her pull back enough to look up into his eyes again. "You told me before you didn't push because you were afraid I'd run, but I know it's more than that. You really care about my happiness, and you knew I needed time. I really didn't think you could do it, you know? I mean, you're all inuendos and suggestive comments, and the way you look at me sometimes, the way you kiss me, hold me... But you're not lying. When you say you're content with the pace. When you say our relationship makes you happy, even though we haven't gone all the way. It's the truth."

"Sex is a fine thing, making love even more so, but there's so much more." He murmured, fingers sliding down her side to lace their fingers together. "The slide of your fingers though mine, or your arms around me in comfort. Knowing I can touch your hair, or your cheek. Your warmth against me when we talk of everything and nothing. Knowing how to make you laugh when you need to, and how to sooth you when you're sad. Knowing I can kiss you whenever I desire. Seeing in your eyes that you care for me, and being allowed to see the parts of you that are hidden from others. Dozens of other things large and small. Things I've not had since Milah, and in some ways craved more than sex though I never thought to have them again."

"We have them now." She whispered, squeezing his hand before releasing it and raising her hands to the buttons of his waistcoat. "We can have everything now."

"You're sure, love?" He breathed even as his hand slid up her side until his thumb brushed the underside of her breast.

"There's nothing but us tonight." Emma smiled, feeling the heat course through her body at the desire swirling in his eyes. "No bad memories of the past, no worries about the future. I want to let it all go, just for a few hours. There's so much out of my control right now, and I don't know what will happen at dawn, but I just, I just want a few hours to think of nothing but us. I don't want to wait anymore, Killian, I just want to be with you."

Killian's hand slid back down her side as his eyes heated further, and then his hand and hook were on her ass and pulling her against him, proving just how much he wanted her in return. "As you wish." He whispered before lowering his head to kiss her.

THE END

* * *

_(And remember everyone, he's seen Princess Bride with her in this story, and knows exactly what that means...)_

AN2: So between the end of Poor Unfortunate Soul, all through Best Laid Plans and Heart of Gold, there is absolutely no place for a CS scene. BLP clearly happens the same night as PUS, as Killian is just telling them about Gold's plan to turn Emma dark, and I doubt he delayed with that knowledge. BLP then ends with them releasing the author, and HoG starts immediately and is also clearly the same day. Then comes Sympathy for the De Vil, which also seems to be the same freaking day by the way they come into the apartment at the start of it, but it also seems to have gone from night to day. I'd totally buy that they were out searching all night, but that seems silly as they really have no idea where to look and at this point it's been a very long day for them. And there really just needed to be more places for CS scenes. So this was it.

I really hope everyone enjoyed this story!


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